This will be a different blog post than my usual stuff, but I've had a lot on my mind since finishing Final Fantasy XV. It's a very inspiring game overall, but the ending really hit me particulary hard. It's just been that kind of year. 2016 has been tough for a lot of people, and, for me, there was personal stuff going on as well. FFXV closed that for me, but I'll go into that a little later... Warning, lots of spoilers for FFXV, Undertale, Rose of Versailles, Rogue One and Stardew Valley in here.
It's been a year for emotional media. I started off playing Undertale in January, which is both delightful and shocking. I loved the characters, particular Sans and Napstablook (my kindred spirit), and regretted downing the first boss so much that I reset the game to try and do it over. Flowey knew what I did and pointing it out, saying I regretted my actions! Whoa! Things only get deeper from there.
The soundtrack kept me bouncing for many months afterwards, I absolutely adore it! On bad days, Enemy Approaching would lift my spirits and make me feel like I could keep going, but every week, I'd fall in love with a new track and have to play it on loop. Such powerful stuff.
Soon after, I bought Stardew Valley and began crying at the opening scene... where Grandpa dies. I don't even know this Grandpa, but I'm sobbing at the optimistic future he's left for us. "Oh my God, it's just a cute pixel art game. Why am I crying?" I thought. Turns out, Stardew Valley is packed with humanity and love, one of the reasons it's my game of the year.
Around this time though, I'd gotten ill and taken nearly 2 months off work. Stardew Valley kept me going through those tough times, but Pokémon Go literally helped me get back on my feet. Being stuck inside for so long during the early Summer months made me feel lousy. My illness meant I couldn't really walk, but Pokémon Go helped me get back out there and into my life. It wasn't a quick process, in fact I still struggle some days, but there's no doubt Pokémon Go came into my life when I needed it most. I still haven't caught them all – there aren't that many good Pokémon where I live – but it doesn't really matter to me. Catching Pokémon, walking eggs... It eases the stress and anxiety my illness had created.
During my recovery, I watched a lot of anime, particulary Rose of Versailles. Being a huge Revolutionary Girl Utena fan, it had been on my list for some time, but oh my God, I was not prepared for that ending! The show is over 30 years old so I'll openly talk about the ending, but please skip on if you don't want to read spoilers!
I heard it was a sad show, I mean, it's about the French Revolution, and we've all seen Les Miserables before, right? Well, after André's eye is wounded, he has the choice to stay and heal, or go and find Oscar. Of course, Oscar is everything to him, so he leaves... resulting in being blinded in his left eye. This is a character we've seen since he was a young boy. Seeing him lose his sight was heartbreaking, but it only gets worse... As he strained his right eye for so long, he slowly begins to lose his sight altogether. He keeps it to himself the whole time however, not wanting to burden anyone, but also from the fear that he'll no longer be able to stay by Oscar's side.
It's been a year for emotional media. I started off playing Undertale in January, which is both delightful and shocking. I loved the characters, particular Sans and Napstablook (my kindred spirit), and regretted downing the first boss so much that I reset the game to try and do it over. Flowey knew what I did and pointing it out, saying I regretted my actions! Whoa! Things only get deeper from there.
The soundtrack kept me bouncing for many months afterwards, I absolutely adore it! On bad days, Enemy Approaching would lift my spirits and make me feel like I could keep going, but every week, I'd fall in love with a new track and have to play it on loop. Such powerful stuff.
Soon after, I bought Stardew Valley and began crying at the opening scene... where Grandpa dies. I don't even know this Grandpa, but I'm sobbing at the optimistic future he's left for us. "Oh my God, it's just a cute pixel art game. Why am I crying?" I thought. Turns out, Stardew Valley is packed with humanity and love, one of the reasons it's my game of the year.
Around this time though, I'd gotten ill and taken nearly 2 months off work. Stardew Valley kept me going through those tough times, but Pokémon Go literally helped me get back on my feet. Being stuck inside for so long during the early Summer months made me feel lousy. My illness meant I couldn't really walk, but Pokémon Go helped me get back out there and into my life. It wasn't a quick process, in fact I still struggle some days, but there's no doubt Pokémon Go came into my life when I needed it most. I still haven't caught them all – there aren't that many good Pokémon where I live – but it doesn't really matter to me. Catching Pokémon, walking eggs... It eases the stress and anxiety my illness had created.
During my recovery, I watched a lot of anime, particulary Rose of Versailles. Being a huge Revolutionary Girl Utena fan, it had been on my list for some time, but oh my God, I was not prepared for that ending! The show is over 30 years old so I'll openly talk about the ending, but please skip on if you don't want to read spoilers!
I heard it was a sad show, I mean, it's about the French Revolution, and we've all seen Les Miserables before, right? Well, after André's eye is wounded, he has the choice to stay and heal, or go and find Oscar. Of course, Oscar is everything to him, so he leaves... resulting in being blinded in his left eye. This is a character we've seen since he was a young boy. Seeing him lose his sight was heartbreaking, but it only gets worse... As he strained his right eye for so long, he slowly begins to lose his sight altogether. He keeps it to himself the whole time however, not wanting to burden anyone, but also from the fear that he'll no longer be able to stay by Oscar's side.
It results in rash behavior toward Oscar; an outburst of emotion that André has been keeping to himself for 20 years. He's despicable, forcing Oscar to feel like a woman despite her previous conversation. His actions are totally unacceptable, and he knows that, but André is suffering alone and just wants to see the love of his life before he loses the ability to. Oh gosh, I'm welling up just writing this.
I'd usually hate a scene like this, but the episode is so well done, warning us of André's fears and doubts throughout, that you see where he is coming from. On another note, it's great to see a conversation like this being made in the late 1970's. I love masculine female characters!
After André is completely blinded, he's soon shot. This anime doesn't pull its punches! André and Oscar get together the night before, after Oscar finally realises she's in love with him, but it's suddenly all over. His death happens so fast, very truthful to how it would have been I suppose, but it's an emotional kick to say the least.
I paced Rose of Versailles very slowly when I watched it... It's just too heavy to binge. Sometimes, I'd feel really depressed after watching it too. I hear you, why watch something like that? Well, it's just an amazing, well-made show. It's heavy and deep, and because of that, it feels like it matters. Oscar and André are, dare I say, the best anime couple I've come across. André's love for Oscar is just so beautiful. But, you should be in a good place if you plan on watching it... It's great but depressing.
Which leads me to Final Fantasy XV. Another thing which got me down by the time I finished it. Again, though, I do not discourage you checking it out, in fact I urge you to! Warning, big spoilers for the game ahead.
FFXV has its faults, I won't deny. When Regis dies (Noctis' father), Noctis barely seems bothered by it. It's a problem of having an open world... why mourn my father's death when I can choose to go camping with my buddies instead? Camping, though, is tremendous fun... How many games treat night and day like they actually matter? Where resting and eating are actually important? FFXV does. At the campsite, besides cooking a delicious meal with Ignis, you can check out Prompto's photographs of the day, which is a fantastic little feature, adding so much heart and humanity to the characters.
As you play more of the story, though, things slowly get dark in FFXV. Literally too; the days get shorter, and Noctis carries the burden of knowing he must sacrifice himself to restore the world. It's pretty tough burden for a guy of 20 years old to carry, but luckily he doesn't have to do it alone. The brotherhood of Noctis, Gladiolus, Ignis and Prompto is what makes this game worthwhile. I urge you to do the side-quests and spend as much time as you can with these guys before progressing further with the story. You'll get more from it if you do.
I know, there could be way more dialogue when they're cruising around Eos, and yeah, at first glance I thought they looked like a J-Pop boy band too... but they're so much more than this. There's a particular heart-warming scene with Noctis and Prompto sat on the motel roof. Prompto opens up about his doubts of being part of the team to Noctis. You can play is cold, or cute, so I chose cute of course! It was lovely to see this option there, because I worry a lot of men feel they can't show compassion to one another without getting "That's not manly!" or "That's gay!" shouted at them. Why does being nice to one another have to be deemed negative? As I'd initially judged FFXV to be a poor game with tropey characters and terrible female character designs, this motel scene surprised me. It reminded me of what I loved about older Final Fantasy games, that is, to push the boundaries. I only got more impressed as the game went on.
When I first loaded up FFXV, I loved Gladio, mainly for his looks (I won't deny), but then Ignis became a quick favourite as I appreciate a guy who looks after others. Some folks call him the mother of the group, which I find pretty derogatory as men can be great carers (and look fabulous as they do it) too.
Another plus, because Ignis is usually so serious, it's even funnier when he gets caught in photos like this:
After André is completely blinded, he's soon shot. This anime doesn't pull its punches! André and Oscar get together the night before, after Oscar finally realises she's in love with him, but it's suddenly all over. His death happens so fast, very truthful to how it would have been I suppose, but it's an emotional kick to say the least.
I paced Rose of Versailles very slowly when I watched it... It's just too heavy to binge. Sometimes, I'd feel really depressed after watching it too. I hear you, why watch something like that? Well, it's just an amazing, well-made show. It's heavy and deep, and because of that, it feels like it matters. Oscar and André are, dare I say, the best anime couple I've come across. André's love for Oscar is just so beautiful. But, you should be in a good place if you plan on watching it... It's great but depressing.
Which leads me to Final Fantasy XV. Another thing which got me down by the time I finished it. Again, though, I do not discourage you checking it out, in fact I urge you to! Warning, big spoilers for the game ahead.
FFXV has its faults, I won't deny. When Regis dies (Noctis' father), Noctis barely seems bothered by it. It's a problem of having an open world... why mourn my father's death when I can choose to go camping with my buddies instead? Camping, though, is tremendous fun... How many games treat night and day like they actually matter? Where resting and eating are actually important? FFXV does. At the campsite, besides cooking a delicious meal with Ignis, you can check out Prompto's photographs of the day, which is a fantastic little feature, adding so much heart and humanity to the characters.
As you play more of the story, though, things slowly get dark in FFXV. Literally too; the days get shorter, and Noctis carries the burden of knowing he must sacrifice himself to restore the world. It's pretty tough burden for a guy of 20 years old to carry, but luckily he doesn't have to do it alone. The brotherhood of Noctis, Gladiolus, Ignis and Prompto is what makes this game worthwhile. I urge you to do the side-quests and spend as much time as you can with these guys before progressing further with the story. You'll get more from it if you do.
I know, there could be way more dialogue when they're cruising around Eos, and yeah, at first glance I thought they looked like a J-Pop boy band too... but they're so much more than this. There's a particular heart-warming scene with Noctis and Prompto sat on the motel roof. Prompto opens up about his doubts of being part of the team to Noctis. You can play is cold, or cute, so I chose cute of course! It was lovely to see this option there, because I worry a lot of men feel they can't show compassion to one another without getting "That's not manly!" or "That's gay!" shouted at them. Why does being nice to one another have to be deemed negative? As I'd initially judged FFXV to be a poor game with tropey characters and terrible female character designs, this motel scene surprised me. It reminded me of what I loved about older Final Fantasy games, that is, to push the boundaries. I only got more impressed as the game went on.
When I first loaded up FFXV, I loved Gladio, mainly for his looks (I won't deny), but then Ignis became a quick favourite as I appreciate a guy who looks after others. Some folks call him the mother of the group, which I find pretty derogatory as men can be great carers (and look fabulous as they do it) too.
Another plus, because Ignis is usually so serious, it's even funnier when he gets caught in photos like this:
I love it!
However, things don't stay so happy and silly for long. When Lunafreya dies later on, I barely cared – We didn't get to know her that much, so what, right? But then we find out that IGNIS GOT BLINDED!! Oh my God, it's like André all over again! It didn't help that I went to the Dialog Museum the weekend before to experience what it's like to be blind (note: scary and difficult AF) and came out feeling so grateful that I have eyes that work. It made Ignis' disability even more distressing, but regardless, it was a heartbreaking moment on its own... Lunafreya died, sure, but Ignis – the awesome guy who's always got our back – just got blinded! I was so sad after this, for days... I couldn't stop thinking about it. Who'd have thought FFXV would tackle something like this and make you care so damn much? Gladio later tells Noct to get out of his funk and "give a shit about someone worse off" as Ignis has also suffered loss but just got on with it. Cool dude or what?
However, things don't stay so happy and silly for long. When Lunafreya dies later on, I barely cared – We didn't get to know her that much, so what, right? But then we find out that IGNIS GOT BLINDED!! Oh my God, it's like André all over again! It didn't help that I went to the Dialog Museum the weekend before to experience what it's like to be blind (note: scary and difficult AF) and came out feeling so grateful that I have eyes that work. It made Ignis' disability even more distressing, but regardless, it was a heartbreaking moment on its own... Lunafreya died, sure, but Ignis – the awesome guy who's always got our back – just got blinded! I was so sad after this, for days... I couldn't stop thinking about it. Who'd have thought FFXV would tackle something like this and make you care so damn much? Gladio later tells Noct to get out of his funk and "give a shit about someone worse off" as Ignis has also suffered loss but just got on with it. Cool dude or what?
Eventually, he does lose his cool, and roars at Gladio and Noct for arguing so much. I had my sad face on all during this chapter.
The group has masses of respect for Ignis, though, and all quickly pipe down after his one and only outburst (apart from "That's it! I've come up with a new recipe!" of course).
Prompto is also a sweety, but he grew on me later on in the game. Losing him suddenly off the side of a train and then saving him in Chapter 13, although a terrible chapter for gameplay, really made me feel close to him. I really sympathised with how Noctis felt about his friend, and this connection with Noct only grew more as the game went on.
Sadly, around this time, my Grandfather passed away. He'd been unwell for a long time, so it wasn't too much of shock, but it made 2016 even darker. That sadness I felt at the beginning of Stardew Valley was now ten-fold, but for some reason I was able to find peace with his passing. Maybe, with my maturity and age, I'd gained a better control over my emotions, but I wasn't sure. Grief has an odd way of coming out sometimes, and, to my surprise, it decided to show itself again right at the very end of Final Fantasy XV. I'm sure this wasn't what the developers had in mind, but I hadn't mourned his death as much as I'd expected, so undoubtably feelings were still buried.
When I loaded up FFXV again I thought "Time to finish this!". I planned on returning to the game afterwards to play the remianing side-quests, so I plowed forward through the horror game that is Chapter 13, to the final conclusion of the story: Noctis sacrificing himself to stop Ardyn and save the world. We all knew it was going to happen – it was what we'd be aiming for throughout the whole game – but a small part of me thought "Noct'll make it. It'll be a happy ending." No and no. Noctis dies for the greater good after his years of angst and finally accepts what he has to do. This made me love Noctis more than I had throughout the entire game – he'd always been my least favourite, but to see him grow so naturally like this, made me feel... proud, almost.
Most people comment on the ending with regards to the final photograph you choose to take with you, but for me, it was this image which got me:
Prompto is also a sweety, but he grew on me later on in the game. Losing him suddenly off the side of a train and then saving him in Chapter 13, although a terrible chapter for gameplay, really made me feel close to him. I really sympathised with how Noctis felt about his friend, and this connection with Noct only grew more as the game went on.
Sadly, around this time, my Grandfather passed away. He'd been unwell for a long time, so it wasn't too much of shock, but it made 2016 even darker. That sadness I felt at the beginning of Stardew Valley was now ten-fold, but for some reason I was able to find peace with his passing. Maybe, with my maturity and age, I'd gained a better control over my emotions, but I wasn't sure. Grief has an odd way of coming out sometimes, and, to my surprise, it decided to show itself again right at the very end of Final Fantasy XV. I'm sure this wasn't what the developers had in mind, but I hadn't mourned his death as much as I'd expected, so undoubtably feelings were still buried.
When I loaded up FFXV again I thought "Time to finish this!". I planned on returning to the game afterwards to play the remianing side-quests, so I plowed forward through the horror game that is Chapter 13, to the final conclusion of the story: Noctis sacrificing himself to stop Ardyn and save the world. We all knew it was going to happen – it was what we'd be aiming for throughout the whole game – but a small part of me thought "Noct'll make it. It'll be a happy ending." No and no. Noctis dies for the greater good after his years of angst and finally accepts what he has to do. This made me love Noctis more than I had throughout the entire game – he'd always been my least favourite, but to see him grow so naturally like this, made me feel... proud, almost.
Most people comment on the ending with regards to the final photograph you choose to take with you, but for me, it was this image which got me:
I remembered my grandparents. How they were once young and happy. How they are now finally together. I never used to believe in things like that, but I do now. Not because of this image, or the game, or even the year, but for the belief that he's no longer alone. He's with Nana now. My grief had given it one last go; I cried so much staring at the both of them together.
Many people have interpretted this ending scene in different ways, but for me, it will always be Noctis and Lunafreya finally finding each other in the after-life and resting happily together forever-more. That's what I believe. What's even more touching, is how the Final Fantasy XV logo changes afterwards too. I felt depressed and couldn't focus on anything else for the rest of the evening, and since then, I've been unable to touch FFXV to finish those side-quests. I will one day soon, but, for now, I'm still cherishing the ending and what it meant to me. It helped me say goodbye to the year, and to my Grandfather.
Many people have interpretted this ending scene in different ways, but for me, it will always be Noctis and Lunafreya finally finding each other in the after-life and resting happily together forever-more. That's what I believe. What's even more touching, is how the Final Fantasy XV logo changes afterwards too. I felt depressed and couldn't focus on anything else for the rest of the evening, and since then, I've been unable to touch FFXV to finish those side-quests. I will one day soon, but, for now, I'm still cherishing the ending and what it meant to me. It helped me say goodbye to the year, and to my Grandfather.
If 2016 hadn't been sad enough, I watched Rogue One last night and started playing To the Moon, which I caught super cheap in the Steam Winter sale. Why do I do it to myself, I wonder. I don't know, I just enjoy powerful stories. I guess some of the best are also the saddest. Rogue One wouldn't have meant as much if all the rebels got away safely... It had to end like that for their story to have impact. I'm glad it ended as it did... apart from the uncanny valley Princess Leia and upbeat ending credits music, both of which might as well have said "Fuck you, we're the real story here" (...and I think Rogue One was actually one of the best!)
I'm nearly 3 hours into To the Moon and I'm not really sure what to expect, but it's been really gripping so far. Perhaps I'll finish it later tonight, to say one last hurrah to the sad year that has been 2016.
I'm nearly 3 hours into To the Moon and I'm not really sure what to expect, but it's been really gripping so far. Perhaps I'll finish it later tonight, to say one last hurrah to the sad year that has been 2016.