I know, my development blog posts are getting more and more infrequent, but that's because I've been busy! Especially busy writing my next game's story, which isn't easy to share without spoiling the whole thing, but I'll try...

I've told many people that I will be formally announcing my next project soon, but truth be told, I'm still not quite ready to do that. However, this blog contains a brief update on what I've been chaining myself up to my desk for 2 months for. I've been very deep-in-dev (as I like to call it), barely doing much else besides work, unless you count unwinding at night, watching anime (Scum's Wish, Yuri on Ice and Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu) and playing games (Zelda BotW, Puyo Puyo Tetris and MK8D). I've felt the need to catch up ever since GDC... but there's been my 30th birthday, friends visiting, crappy illnesses, doctor visits, and now a holiday to Florida, as well! And after that, I'm back in the UK for a few days to visit friends and attend the Women in Games 2017 awards! I'm in the shortlist for New Development Talent, how crazy is that?!

But also, One Night Stand has had a few interesting developments post-GDC. It's not something I can formally announce yet, but I will say there are plans to add more languages in the not so distant future. This is something that's been requested a lot, and I kinda wish I'd gotten on it sooner, but this kind of thing is tough when you're a one-woman development studio! I keep dreaming about hiring another person at the moment, haha...

Anyway, if you look at the GAMES tab above, you can now see a game called MEMORIES there. This is a working title and by no means the final name of the game, but the page does have a tiny bit of information and a few early screenshots, if you're into that kinda thing.

Because the game's development is in such an early stage, I'm not going to share too much of the story, but, like One Night Stand, Memories will be a shorter form visual novel, made in Ren'Py, where the story unravels by looking at items around a room. However, that's where the similarities with ONS end. Memories is highly inspired by my own life, with the main character, Millie, being a troubled "tomboy" (and I hate that term, but you know exactly what I mean). However, despite being a lot like me, she is into different hobbies, more masculine and clear about herself and her gender than I was at her age. She loves sports, programming, soldering, tinkering, electronics and all the geeky things that come with it. In present day, she's 23 years old and at a turning point in her life. 

I think Memories will be the most autobiographical game I ever make, even if it's not actually autobiographical. Some events in the story are inspired by real things that have happened to me, but others are purely Millie's own. It's certainly a story I've wanted to tell for a long time though, as it shares some very personal moments which are close to my heart. It's especially apt for where I'm at in my life right now too... I can see myself, in future, describing it as "the game I had to make".

So far, I'm really excited about Memories, but there is a lot of work ahead... Mainly artwork. It's going to be a very art-heavy game, with numerous characters at different ages, all with a ton of expressions and different outfits, plus many different scenes and locations. I'm also storyboarding the whole game (I know, I'm crazy) so I can get evoke some real deep emotions in the player through cinematic-like shots. The animator in me will never die.

Speaking of animation, that's something I'll be cutting back on for Memories. Unlike ONS, Memories won't be rotoscoped and will feature simpler animations. Just how simple depends on time and budget, of course, and whether or not I run a crowd-funding campaign later down the line... Hmm. Anyway, the story is all written and programmed in, with game mechanics and all, though it could use testing, re-working, improving etc... you know how it is. The UI has been worked on too, but really needs a ton more time spent on it. Promotional assets haven't even crossed my mind yet either, which is unusual for me, often thinking of these kind of things first.

My artwork lag could be easily blamed on the trouble I've had for months with my Wacom Cintiq; ever since I updated my Mac to Sierra, all the lines I'd draw would be jagged and it was really, really frustrating! I figured it was best to focus on story and programming until they released a new driver (which they did a couple of weeks ago now), otherwise I was really fighting against my computer trying to draw anything half-decent.

Not only technical issues, but I learnt (as I'm an artist first, game developer second) that I spend way too much time on artwork early on. I designed Millie's bedroom, perfecting every little detail, without really understanding what needs to be there yet and why. I think I spent nearly a week on what became a sub-par background... what a waste of time! This is why I tweeted a few weeks ago "Developer graphics saved my game", because who knows just how much more time I would've wasted? Never-mind the lack of planning and game's direction too.

So, I threw together some crappy assets which will serve as placeholders for the game's structure. This meant that I was able to carry on with the narration design without getting bogged down on how the game should look. It sounds silly, and pretty obvious, but when the narration is based on the exploration of a bedroom, it's difficult to write the story first... That's what I thought anyway, I did it that way around with ONS, but Memories isn't the same. It's bigger, more complicated and the story unfolds from the particular objects you discover. By using developer graphics, though, I've been able to simply crack on with the foundation of the game, which is now a hell of a lot more sturdy. So, artistic game developers, take note! It's okay to use placeholders and ugly images until you have time to replace them – heck, I encourage it! (Heh... I sound like I've never even used placeholders before, but when you're a solo developer who's specialised in art, it's very hard to remember the benefits and reasons for using them.)

Anyway, tomorrow I am packing for my holiday. I sometimes feel guilty as, being an indie developer, I feel I take vacations quite often compared to others, but screw that, down time is important. I say this a lot, but I still see developers getting ill, stressed, burnt-out or feeling pressured to work constantly. Despite popular belief, it's not cool to do this. I've been deep-in-dev for weeks, and I'm slowly feeling burn-out creep in. That's never good, but it is good to recognise the warning signs and take a break. Otherwise, productivity, passion and perspective deteriorates.

If this is you, and a holiday isn't available right now, then perhaps take an afternoon off, away from the computer, in nature, or with a coffee. Or maybe play some other games for research, or even just for fun. You do you. Too many games industry folk seem to believe that you should work your ass off to achieve your goals, but I don't buy that at all. Sure, you should work hard, avoid slacking-off etc, but never, ever feel guilty for taking a well deserved break, or not taking your laptop with you. Those are my 2-cents anyway... I feel I should end every blog post with a rant like this, haha!

Anyway, take care of yourself folks! Until next time!

Golly... It's been 2 months since my last post! That sucks!

It kinda makes sense when I think about how busy I've been in that time. To start with, One Night Stand got nominated for Excellence in Narrative at IGF 2017! I couldn't believe it! I thought maybe I'd get an honourable mention for art or nuovo, but narrative? And an actual nomination?! Well, when I thought about it some more, I supposed it does sum up the whole package of One Night Stand better, but yeah, it came as a shock to say the least!

I then I spent the next few weeks prepping for GDC... Mainly coming up with cool concepts for freebies and designing them. I was well prepared, but German post messed up my delivery which meant Awesome Merchandise had to reprint and rush the order out again, which they did a superb job of doing (so please use these guys if you need a variety of merchandise in future)! I also got some stickers printed out and put them on blank condoms, and funnily enough, these were the cheapest (and most effective) freebies on the booth!
Understandably though, some people didn't want to take the condoms. Sex is quite a delicate topic for some, and game developers/ artists should remain sensitive to that. This is something I've learnt more and more about over the last few months since One Night Stand's release, and something I didn't really consider whilst making the game... Anyway, I still have a bunch of stickers, badges and condoms left, so if you'd really, really like some, let me know!

The first two days at GDC were spent, mainly feeling jet-lagged, going from session to session. I like to learn, but on the whole, I felt like a lot of the content repeated itself one way or another, and I didn't feel as though I took away as much as I did two years ago. To be fair, I missed a lot of talks I really wanted to go to on Wednesday and Thursday (since I was on the booth) and no doubt there would be some great take aways from that. Oh well, I'll catch up on them on the Vault!

My favourite session was probably "The Aesthetics of Cute" by Jenny Jiao Hsia. It was beautifully presented and full of inspiration. I certainly want to make a cute game in the future as there is so much power and engagement with cuteness! It also makes me feel really happy playing such games, but I know I naturally tend to gravitate towards creating more serious and realistic tones, with the odd bit of humour here and there. One day, I'll make a cute game though, I promise!

I went to a WebGL talk and was wowed by the potential of 3D games in web browsers. There was also a "Radio Play" story design talk, and both of these really inspired me, making me want to get back straight back into development! I also met a few people I'd love to game jam with, so hopefully, I'll have made a couple of experimental game jams before the year is out. I say this, but I'm always short on time haha!

Now, the booth itself was something I was pretty worried about; I'd never shown my game in person like that, so I didn't know how I'd fare up. Turns out, quite well! I guess when it's your own product, and you know it inside-out, it's really easy to answer questions. Perhaps not for three days straight, however! My voice box nearly croaked, and my throat's recovering even now! My mind also started drawing blanks at the end of day three, and I got pretty ill, but otherwise it was a great success!

When industry professionals asked me to pitch the concept to them, that was pretty difficult too, but I got through it okay. Even though I was thrown in at the deep end demoing for the first time at GDC, I felt at ease since One Night Stand's already out and selling well. I suppose the worst questions I received were "Are you a student?" and "How are you going to make money with this?" The assumption that you don't know what you're doing because you're a solo (female?) indie developer is pretty high, sadly. (Less of this, please)

Anyway, negatives out of the way, the booth was great, though I really needed a queue or something as I had to keep turning people away. "Please come back in 10 minutes", "Try again tomorrow" etc. and I felt really guilty but there wasn't much I could do! A few times, there would be a large audience gathering around just watching someone else play. It was nice to see not only the player being entertained, but a whole group of people. The range of emotions people expressed too was incredible... Some people felt really down because they "took the photo" and got kicked out, where as others would feel warmed or laugh out loud at silly moments in the dialogue. Everyone who played told me just how much they enjoyed it, and wanted to tell others about it. I got wished the best of luck for the awards show, which, sadly, I didn't win, but just being nominated, being part of the IGF pavilion and going to GDC for free was more than I could wish for. It was a truly rewarding experience.

Watching the IGF and GDC awards in person, in the VIP section, was pretty damn awesome though! Nina Freeman did a fantastic job hosting and winner's speeches were truly heartfelt. I was pretty star-struck seeing so many famous developers there too. Yeah, it was a fun night. You can recap on Twitch and see One Night Stand on the big screen, followed by its appearance in a Hey Ash sketch!

Now that I'm home, it's back to development on my next project. Many people have been asking about LoveIRL and I promise that I haven't given up on it, but it is a huge project and I didn't really realise until a year into development just how much of a challenge it is on my own. I hope to get some funding and have a small team by the time I begin working on it again, but right now, I'm not ready for that. One Night Stand taught me that an idea needs to be much smaller and less ambitious when you're a solo developer, if you want to complete it sometime soon that is, so I decided to create something else until then... an idea which I've had since last Summer, and is very appropriate for me right now at this point in my life. Please keep following me on here, Twitter and Facebook to stay updated - I plan on announcing more information soon! Until then, here's a little sketch (left).
​
Anyway, I think that about wraps this blog post up. The next time you see me at GDC, I'll either be showing my next game or giving a talk. I enjoy teaching others and have a lot of ideas I'd love to share, but talking in front of a huge audience is a big fear of mine – one I hope to overcome in the coming years though, or make a game about!

This will be a different blog post than my usual stuff, but I've had a lot on my mind since finishing Final Fantasy XV. It's a very inspiring game overall, but the ending really hit me particulary hard. It's just been that kind of year. 2016 has been tough for a lot of people, and, for me, there was personal stuff going on as well. FFXV closed that for me, but I'll go into that a little later... Warning, lots of spoilers for FFXV, Undertale, Rose of Versailles, Rogue One and Stardew Valley in here.

It's been a year for emotional media. I started off playing Undertale in January, which is both delightful and shocking. I loved the characters, particular Sans and Napstablook (my kindred spirit), and regretted downing the first boss so much that I reset the game to try and do it over. Flowey knew what I did and pointing it out, saying I regretted my actions! Whoa! Things only get deeper from there.

The soundtrack kept me bouncing for many months afterwards, I absolutely adore it! On bad days, Enemy Approaching would lift my spirits and make me feel like I could keep going, but every week, I'd fall in love with a new track and have to play it on loop. Such powerful stuff.

Soon after, I bought Stardew Valley and began crying at the opening scene... where Grandpa dies. I don't even know this Grandpa, but I'm sobbing at the optimistic future he's left for us. "Oh my God, it's just a cute pixel art game. Why am I crying?" I thought. Turns out, Stardew Valley is packed with humanity and love, one of the reasons it's my game of the year.

Around this time though, I'd gotten ill and taken nearly 2 months off work. Stardew Valley kept me going through those tough times, but Pokémon Go literally helped me get back on my feet. Being stuck inside for so long during the early Summer months made me feel lousy. My illness meant I couldn't really walk, but Pokémon Go helped me get back out there and into my life. It wasn't a quick process, in fact I still struggle some days, but there's no doubt Pokémon Go came into my life when I needed it most. I still haven't caught them all – there aren't that many good Pokémon where I live – but it doesn't really matter to me. Catching Pokémon, walking eggs... It eases the stress and anxiety my illness had created.

During my recovery, I watched a lot of anime, particulary Rose of Versailles. Being a huge Revolutionary Girl Utena fan, it had been on my list for some time, but oh my God, I was not prepared for that ending! The show is over 30 years old so I'll openly talk about the ending, but please skip on if you don't want to read spoilers! 

I heard it was a sad show, I mean, it's about the French Revolution, and we've all seen Les Miserables before, right? Well, after André's eye is wounded, he has the choice to stay and heal, or go and find Oscar. Of course, Oscar is everything to him, so he leaves... resulting in being blinded in his left eye. This is a character we've seen since he was a young boy. Seeing him lose his sight was heartbreaking, but it only gets worse... As he strained his right eye for so long, he slowly begins to lose his sight altogether. He keeps it to himself the whole time however, not wanting to burden anyone, but also from the fear that he'll no longer be able to stay by Oscar's side.

I'd usually hate a scene like this, but the episode is so well done, warning us of André's fears and doubts throughout, that you see where he is coming from. On another note, it's great to see a conversation like this being made in the late 1970's. I love masculine female characters!

After André is completely blinded, he's soon shot. This anime doesn't pull its punches! André and Oscar get together the night before, after Oscar finally realises she's in love with him, but it's suddenly all over. His death happens so fast, very truthful to how it would have been I suppose, but it's an emotional kick to say the least.

I paced Rose of Versailles very slowly when I watched it... It's just too heavy to binge. Sometimes, I'd feel really depressed after watching it too. I hear you, why watch something like that? Well, it's just an amazing, well-made show. It's heavy and deep, and because of that, it feels like it matters. Oscar and André are, dare I say, the best anime couple I've come across. André's love for Oscar is just so beautiful. But, you should be in a good place if you plan on watching it... It's great but depressing.

Which leads me to Final Fantasy XV. Another thing which got me down by the time I finished it. Again, though, I do not discourage you checking it out, in fact I urge you to! Warning, big spoilers for the game ahead.

FFXV has its faults, I won't deny. When Regis dies (Noctis' father), Noctis barely seems bothered by it. It's a problem of having an open world... why mourn my father's death when I can choose to go camping with my buddies instead? Camping, though, is tremendous fun... How many games treat night and day like they actually matter? Where resting and eating are actually important? FFXV does. At the campsite, besides cooking a delicious meal with Ignis, you can check out Prompto's photographs of the day, which is a fantastic little feature, adding so much heart and humanity to the characters.

As you play more of the story, though, things slowly get dark in FFXV. Literally too; the days get shorter, and Noctis carries the burden of knowing he must sacrifice himself to restore the world. It's pretty tough burden for a guy of 20 years old to carry, but luckily he doesn't have to do it alone. The brotherhood of Noctis, Gladiolus, Ignis and Prompto is what makes this game worthwhile. I urge you to do the side-quests and spend as much time as you can with these guys before progressing further with the story. You'll get more from it if you do.

I know, there could be way more dialogue when they're cruising around Eos, and yeah, at first glance I thought they looked like a J-Pop boy band too... but they're so much more than this. There's a particular heart-warming scene with Noctis and Prompto sat on the motel roof. Prompto opens up about his doubts of being part of the team to Noctis. You can play is cold, or cute, so I chose cute of course! It was lovely to see this option there, because I worry a lot of men feel they can't show compassion to one another without getting "That's not manly!" or "That's gay!" shouted at them. Why does being nice to one another have to be deemed negative? As I'd initially judged FFXV to be a poor game with tropey characters and terrible female character designs, this motel scene surprised me. It reminded me of what I loved about older Final Fantasy games, that is, to push the boundaries. I only got more impressed as the game went on.

When I first loaded up FFXV, I loved Gladio, mainly for his looks (I won't deny), but then Ignis became a quick favourite as I appreciate a guy who looks after others. Some folks call him the mother of the group, which I find pretty derogatory as men can be great carers (and look fabulous as they do it) too.

Another plus, because Ignis is usually so serious, it's even funnier when he gets caught in photos like this:

I love it!

However, things don't stay so happy and silly for long. When Lunafreya dies later on, I barely cared – We didn't get to know her that much, so what, right? But then we find out that IGNIS GOT BLINDED!! Oh my God, it's like André all over again! It didn't help that I went to the Dialog Museum the weekend before to experience what it's like to be blind (note: scary and difficult AF) and came out feeling so grateful that I have eyes that work. It made Ignis' disability even more distressing, but regardless, it was a heartbreaking moment on its own... Lunafreya died, sure, but Ignis – the awesome guy who's always got our back – just got blinded! I was so sad after this, for days... I couldn't stop thinking about it. Who'd have thought FFXV would tackle something like this and make you care so damn much? Gladio later tells Noct to get out of his funk and "give a shit about someone worse off" as Ignis has also suffered loss but just got on with it. Cool dude or what?

I remembered my grandparents. How they were once young and happy. How they are now finally together. I never used to believe in things like that, but I do now. Not because of this image, or the game, or even the year, but for the belief that he's no longer alone. He's with Nana now. My grief had given it one last go; I cried so much staring at the both of them together.

Many people have interpretted this ending scene in different ways, but for me, it will always be Noctis and Lunafreya finally finding each other in the after-life and resting happily together forever-more. That's what I believe. What's even more touching, is how the Final Fantasy XV logo changes afterwards too. I felt depressed and couldn't focus on anything else for the rest of the evening, and since then, I've been unable to touch FFXV to finish those side-quests. I will one day soon, but, for now, I'm still cherishing the ending and what it meant to me. It helped me say goodbye to the year, and to my Grandfather.

If 2016 hadn't been sad enough, I watched Rogue One last night and started playing To the Moon, which I caught super cheap in the Steam Winter sale. Why do I do it to myself, I wonder. I don't know, I just enjoy powerful stories. I guess some of the best are also the saddest. Rogue One wouldn't have meant as much if all the rebels got away safely... It had to end like that for their story to have impact. I'm glad it ended as it did... apart from the uncanny valley Princess Leia and upbeat ending credits music, both of which might as well have said "Fuck you, we're the real story here" (...and I think Rogue One was actually one of the best!)

I'm nearly 3 hours into To the Moon and I'm not really sure what to expect, but it's been really gripping so far. Perhaps I'll finish it later tonight, to say one last hurrah to the sad year that has been 2016.

It's been a month today since One Night Stand released on Steam, so in this blog post I will be doing a mini postmortem on the game, and then delving into my plans for my future projects!

A month is quite soon to be doing this, but I'm already planning on moving onto my next project. In my last post, I said I'd already begun reworking some of LoveIRL's script. Well, I got way sidetracked with all the promotional work for ONS that I didn't get to do much... There were loads of assets and extras to make for Steam (trading cards are coming soon!), many interviews to do, and a ton of journalists and Let's Players to reach out to, not to mention a few achievement bugs which cropped up and were tricky to fix... Don't worry, they're all sorted now! All in all, I think promotion has gone super well! There have been loads of fabulous reviews, articles, interviews and support. Considering I am doing all this for the first time, and I'm an unheard-of indie developer, it's been really, really successful!

Players are enjoying the game and the rating on Steam has recently just popped to "Very Positive", which was what I hoped to achieve. I'm really glad people are having fun with the game and they're walking away feeling glad they had the experience. Some players have even said that the game has helped them emotionally and hit close to their heart. Receiving messages like this is always delightful, in fact, I have a few of them printed and stuck around my work area. It's nice to remember the positive you do when you work on your own every day... It's easy to forget who it's all for.

Making One Night Stand, as a game jam first, turned out to be a really good idea. It gave me limitations, which is almost a must for a creative to actually finish a project. With LoveIRL, I originally aimed for it to be completed in a year, but the project kept growing and ambitions soared. I felt like I was getting lost and losing focus. With ONS, however, I actually completed something that is now supporting me financially. Until now, I'd been supporting myself with savings, so actually earning real money is great; it means I can keep developing games in future... not that it's going to be a walk in the park! If anything, One Night Stand's profits have been a bit of a reality check. When the free game jam version had such a huge impact, I sort of expected the full version to perform just as well when it released. I've learnt there is certainly a difference between Youtube success vs game sales, and free vs paid.

It's popular opinion that demos are a waste of time, but I think because ONS was originally a short, free game (almost demo-like) it meant people were willing to give it a go. As an unknown indie developer, with a weird first game, it's understandably a risk for people to buy the game... It could easily seem like a waste of money. Also, I think many look at the title One Night Stand and think that it's not for them; perhaps they haven't had a one night stand themselves and think it's irrelevant to them, or they have had one and don't want to relive it. Really, the game is about waking up not remembering the night before, and realising that you got involved with a real person who has her own life to live. It's a story that most people can relate to one way or another. I'd never think of changing the name of the game though, but I do believe it gives some people the wrong impression. There is a lot of social stigma around the topic, after all.

Yeah, there are loads of comments saying this in one way or another. I guess there's an assumption that if a game has sex in it, it must be bad. This is another stigma which ONS faces, but is slowly chipping away at.

Looking at elements of the game... The art style is generally well-liked and players enjoy the rotoscope animations especially. The gameplay is also appreciated, for a visual novel at least, although a few people feel there are too many endings. I can see why as the game was originally designed to only have a few, so replaying can sometimes feel like a chore. Thing is, I never expected players to actually want to play more than a few times. Myself, I only ever really play a game like this once, maybe twice, then I move on. However, I'm seeing crazy play times on some Steam reviews and cannot believe it, it's incredible! Adding the gallery after a play-through was to ensure players knew there were more endings to unlock, and designing it like a phone matched the theme of the game, but I never expected people to feel compelled to do it.

The music and sound effects occassionally get called out for being basic, and that's fair too; they're very simple. However, others love the music, so much that I often get emails asking where people can download the soundtrack. It's not released yet, but I'll be putting it on Bandcamp very soon!

Hurray! It's finally happening! One Night Stand is coming to Steam on November 8th 2016! (I got so excited writing that, I gave myself hiccups!)

It's much later than I anticipated, these things always are *hiccup*, but at least it's finally on its way. Steam achievements and Steam Cloud are enabled, but Cards and Wallpapers are not. I plan on adding those at some point when I get back off holiday... That's right, that thing I said I'd never do again (see my last post), I'm doing again! I truly thought One Night Stand would be out by now when I booked my trip... Oh well, I've received a few bug reports from people with the itch.io version (thank you!) and have updated the build a few times since it's release. I think all issues are now sorted *fingers crossed*, but regardless, I'll be taking my laptop with me this time!

Also, the IGF 2017 entrants have been announced and One Night Stand is one of them! However, there are over 650, and some of those are truly, unbelievably great games, so I'm not so sure about my chances!

Okay, so putting One Night stand aside for a moment, work has resumed on LoveIRL (remember that game?)! After having such a long break from the project, I now see a lot of issues with it, mainly the story and pacing, but, sadly, also the real-world art style. The in-game art style (low polygon renders) have been positively received, but not so much the real-world stuff. Also, I don't like it. I never felt 100% on it, but looking back, I really don't think it has enough appeal. One Night Stand taught me, if I didn't know it already, that a game really needs a solid aesthetic to be successful. I've seen it happen enough times, but I was so solely focussed on my project, I just couldn't see the art style with fresh eyes. I guess this break has been pretty worthwhile after all!

To make it feel cleaner and crisper, I even restarted the project in Ren'Py. Now, even the buggy and messy code that I had will be replaced with what I've learnt whilst making One Night Stand. Good stuff.

​When the time is right, I may still consider a crowd-funding campaign to add extras to LoveIRL. Animation, voice overs and other language and platform support would be lovely to have, but with it just being me (and my low budget) I'll never get the dream game out without a little help. Still, a lot more work has to be done before I can think about that!