Happy new year everyone! It's now 2019 and, like many, I'm glad to see the back of 2018. For me, it was a year of endurance. There was a ton of bad luck, sadness and grief, but I learnt how to do two things: 1) Honestly deal with my emotions and 2) Get back up and carry on. So I've decided to write this blog post about the games, comics, animations etc. that I've truly enjoyed. They were able to lift my spirits in times of darkness, and even inspire me to pick up my pen and start drawing again.

I've appreciated all the creators behind the work this year and am truly thankful for their efforts. If they were able to brighten up my year, then I'm sure they can make others happy too. So, without further ado, here's the entertainment that brought joy to my life in 2018... Some of which were released years prior.

I had trouble putting Detroit: Become Human as my number one game of the year... It has been slated across the games industry as "frustrating", "flawed" and words I shan't repeat, but outside of the industry, players seemed to really enjoy it. David Cage gets a lot wrong, but he's also one of the few AAA developers doing something different... things that seems to get ignored. Beyond: Two Souls had a good chunk of it dedicated to homelessness, and Detroit has a good chunk of it dedicated to motherhood. When does that happen in AAA games? Kara's story is about her wish to become a mother, and it's lovely to see this from a non-biological point-of-view, too. Kara simply wants to be there for Alice and it's wonderful to play a caring role in such a big budget game (I just wish Alice was a little more likeable!).

Kara's story was also slated for its poor depiction of domestic violence, which I won't go into, but I'm just grateful that there's even a depiction at all. Seeing video games attempt to tackle heavy content is better than nothing. It can help mature the medium in a way that films and books do. Depictions like this can also highlight issues in our society and perhaps even get something to change for the better. Maybe I am being too optimistic, but I believe hiding domestic violence behind closed doors keeps it there.

The game is split into three character stories, and whilst I appreciated Kara's, my favourite was Connor's. His part of the game is full of choices and has real stakes in what you do. It feels like it matters so because of the chemistry between Connor and his lieutenant, Hank. They start off with their differences but slowly begin to understand one another, yet screw up and one of them could end up dead.

Both actors played their roles perfectly and raised the game enough for it to be my number one. I even drew fan art for the first time in two years! And I still want to draw more, but you know, work!

If all you've read about Detroit: Become Human is negative and you decided not to play it, please just play it for the performances of Connor and Hank. They're something special and it's no wonder there's a ton of fan art being drawn, even today.

Genital Jousting really caught me by surprise and I haven't even played the multiplayer yet (which is the bulk of the game!). The reason it's on my list is the story mode, which is only an hour long, but what a perfect hour of story-telling it is.

You play as a penis called John who is a dick, in more ways than one. Being forced to play an immoral character is usually frustrating, but with Genital Jousting, I found it well-balanced. Though I'm not male, I felt connected to the character. I knew people like John growing up, and he seemed surprisingly real whilst being a literal dick.

The story revolves around John finding a date for his high school reunion. I don't want to spoil it, but it ends up becoming a serious tale about toxic masculinity and entitlement. The world tells John he has to be hard, not soft, and not express his sad emotions. How amazing that a game full of penises can tell such a story! When I create my stories, I feel that I am preaching to the choir and not finding a new audience who'll appreciate the intent, but by using penises and keeping the humorous tone, Genital Jousting finds the right audience who would probably never play such a narrative. Not only is is well executed and enjoyable, Genital Jousting's story mode definitely impressed me and you should check it out if you haven't.

If you follow me on social media, you're probably not surprised to see Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju in my list; it was my anime of 2017, after all. In 2018, though, I began reading the manga and wow... I can see why it got an anime adaptation (and, more recently, a live-action adaptation, which I've yet to watch!).

The manga definitely starts off slower than the anime (which was already slow), spending much longer introducing characters and settings, and it only really kicks off at the end of book 1, when Yakumo begins his story about Sukeroku. However, the drawings and depth of the characters feels much stronger in the manga than the anime, I guess because you spend more time with them. I felt more connected to Konatsu than Yakumo, who feels even more spooky than he does in the anime. It's just a shame that the rakugo parts do not deliver as well on paper, though that was to be expected without Akira Ishida's performance.

I am only up to book 4, but it's a great addition for any rakugo fan. The anime's pacing felt off at times, rushing certain parts of character development, but the manga makes up for that in spades. I look forward to reading the rest in the coming months.

What a wonderfully perfect game Florence is! It's another short story experience that's worth every penny. No words are spoken throughout the whole game, and yet, it's probably one of the best narrative games I have ever played. I walked away from it wishing I was smart enough to make anything like it.

The story follows Florence, a young woman who falls in love with a cello player. You play her life at all stages of their relationship, and the game uses simple puzzles to get across what the couple are going through. Again, I do not want to spoil it so just go and download it. It's available on iOS and Android and well reviewed across the board.

Yup, I've been obsessed with Steven Universe over the last few months. I know it's been out for many years (and recommended to me dozens of times) but I wasn't convinced and, hence, didn't make time for it, but when I saw the first season available on Netflix, I thought I'd give it a go. An episode is only 10 minutes long, after all...

Well, after episode one, I stopped watching it for nearly a month. I wasn't hooked and didn't believe it'd do anything different to impress me... Oh, how wrong I was! I gave it another go and must have been around 4-5 episodes in when I caught the bug and couldn't stop binging them.

In episode 12, Steven sings "Giant Woman" which screams his love of all things feminine. It's so surprising for a boy to be that way, though the more time spent with Steven, the more you see that's just how he is. He's often seen wearing a dress, heels, crying or hugging everyone.

The show is full of amazing songs and I've found myself learning the lyrics to all of them... and I don't really like musicals at all. I even have the soundtrack on vinyl, too.

Like Sailor Moon, the protagonist's main power is love, but unlike Sailor Moon, Steven Universe actually feels like the show is powered by love. I've felt so much warmth and happiness watching the show that I've often cried at just how wonderful it is.

I'm almost glad I put off Steven Universe for so many years. I really needed a show like it in 2018. It helped me find the kind words to love and support myself, and, once again, I felt inspired to pick up my pen and draw some fan art. I'm so excited to see the next episodes arriving later this month!

I started reading Tokyo Tarareba Girls online after I finished Princess Jellyfish (which is superb, by the way). Compared to Princess Jellyfish, Tokyo Tarareba Girls is much darker and realistic, but still hilarious. Akiko Higashimura's comedic timing is as perfect as ever, with the feeling that she isn't holding back from what she wants to say. I found this brutal honestly one of the best things about Tokyo Tarareba Girls, and its surprisingly relatable characters.

Sadly, I could only read a few volumes before struggling to access more, but I soon discovered the J-Drama available online! I binged the whole thing whilst I was unwell over Summer and it made me feel so much better. The casting choice and acting were great, though the story had been changed quite a bit from the manga. This was disappointing at first, but I soon got into the flow of it. As with Descending Stories, I think I prefer taking my time with the manga than watching the show, but it's great to have both!

Now, I have the first manga book on my shelf and I've ordered the next two books! The rest are being published later in 2019 so I'll be picking those up too. It's so nice to see stories of middle-aged women and their woes. If you like Bridget Jones or Sex in the City, you should check out Tokyo Tarareba Girls.

Oh my goodness, Solanin! I adored Solanin! So much that I watched the live-action film, too (and can't stop singing the theme song!).

In 2017, I read Inio Asano's very bleak and brutal Goodnight Punpun. Despite its dark themes and cruelty, I really enjoyed it, though it's certainly not an easy read. With Solanin, I didn't know what to expect, but I bought it for its female protagonist, positive reviews and because I enjoyed Punpun so much.

Well, I loved Solanin even more. I'm not fond of depressing stories, but Solanin makes something beautiful out of something mundane and human. Somehow, Asano turns it into a heartwarming story about love. It's hard to talk about Solanin without spoiling it, so I won't.

There's nothing particularly special about the cast – they're people like you and me, but as Asano's strength lies in realistic depictions of humans, they're done brilliantly.

The live-action film, like Tokyo Tarareba Girls drama, was perfectly cast and acted. I have a few issues with the direction; it can be a little ham-fisted at times, but the story remains true to the manga without missing out on too much. Asian Kung-Fu Generation helped with the soundtrack, but nicely left "Solanin" to Rotti at the end of the movie. Their performance out-shined Asian Kung-Fu Generation's and captured the emotions felt throughout the story so, so well. I was crying by the end, along with the audience in the movie. If you like indie music or ever played in a band, read/ watch Solanin, you'll love it!

Of course this is here, I love Katamari! However, I never fully played Katamari Damacy as it didn't officially released in Europe. I remember playing the Japanese version on a cracked PS2 back in the day, and then stumbled across We Love Katamari in Gamestation a few years later, which I, of course, picked up in a heartbeat. Therefore, I spent most of my time with We Love Katamari and never really got to play the original, so you can imagine my excitement when Katamari Damacy Reroll got announced for Nintendo Switch... I was going insane! Even when its release date was scheduled the same day as Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, I couldn't think of anything else. I immediately picked it up as I'd really been waiting to play it since 2004, making it my most anticipated game ever! I just hoped that it'd live up to my expectations and be a fair port of the original. Luckily it did, although it's definitely a smaller game than I thought it'd be, compared to We Love Katamari that I played over and over again, that is.

I'm now hoping for the sequel to come to Nintendo Switch, too. After We Love Katamari, I just couldn't get into the series anymore. Something quirky about the originals was missing, obviously Keita Takahashi himself, though I look forward to (hopefully) playing Wattam later this year.

Here's one that I didn't actually play myself (urk!), though I watched my fiancé play through the whole thing. Celeste is a platformer by Matt Makes Games, who made Towerfall, one of my all-time favourite multiplayer games. Celeste uses a similar controls and a pixel art style like Towerfall, but houses a deep, emotional journey of Madeline, the main character. She suffers from anxiety and is constantly confronted with it as she ascends the mountain.

The soundtrack is superb and we already own it on vinyl! But, I must say, Celeste excels at almost everything: from music to UI to narrative. I found loads of little things inspiring, so despite how much I dislike platformers, I'm going to give Celeste a go myself. I've really no excuse with all the accessibility options it has!

My favourite night of 2018 was spent watching The Night is Short, Walk on Girl at Nippon Connection in Frankfurt. The showing started after 10pm, which is way too late for my 31 year old self to concentrate on a movie, however, it was actually quite incredible. The early Summer evening, in a small, indie cinema sipping drinks was the perfect atmosphere to enjoy this movie.

I'd previously watched Masaaki Yuasa's Lu Over The Wall (for it's name alone), which felt like a cross between Splatoon and Ponyo, but, you know... if Ponyo was good. He certainly has a unique, refreshing style which would appeal to people who don't even like anime. I've yet to watch Devilman Crybaby, but it's on my list!

Anyway, The Night is Short follows a girl on a long night of drinking and bumping into a bunch of eccentric characters. It's not unlike Alice in Wonderland; trippy but also funny. Like Lu Over The Wall, the animation is beautiful to watch. I think my only issue with the film was the trailer... It was marketed as though the man (her senpai) was the main character and the only plot was about him confessing his feelings to her. Watching it, this felt more like a sub-plot to the girl and her wacky adventure... which was so much better than the stereotypical, straight romance film advertised.

The Night is Short is fresh and exciting and worth you checking out, whether you're a film or animation fan, or just a weeb like me. Asian Kung-Fu generation also make another appearance ;-)

​After watching Aggretsuko, I was telling everyone to go and watch it. Seriously, just for the intro music alone!

I'd heard about the cute, little red panda from Sanrio but wasn't sure if I'd like her or not. After all, Gudetama is my spirit egg and who else could come close? Well, now I don't know who I like more... I relate so much with Retsuko; being quiet, pushed around, insecure and never being able to say no, meanwhile diverting her rage into karaoke booths, screaming death metal. Living as Retsuko isn't particularly healthy, but because of her outlet and supportive friends, she's able to get by.

Aggretsuko, like Tokyo Tarareba Girls, is both hillarious and dark. There are some deep cuts in there, especially for office workers or female members of staff. What's so nice is the support Retsuko receives from Gori and Washimi. They help Retsuko open up and help change things in the office. This undoubtedly causes conflict, but helps Retsuko in the long run. I wish everyone had had the support they both give to Retsuko.

There's even some romance in the show which continues into the Christmas Special. All I'll say is: Haida is best boy. He's such a cute little hyena punk!

Finally, at the end of my list is Tetris Effect. I literally only got around to playing it on 30th December, but wanted to add it because it's so beautiful and entrancing. I even want to buy a PSVR now just for this one game (and maybe Neko Atsume VR...).

So far, I've only played through the levels on beginner. Some stand out to me more than others (usually the ones with vocals) but each level has its charm. I'm not hugely into the XP-point thing going on, but it doesn't ruin my enjoyment of the game. I'm looking forward to spending more time on the different modes and playing it when I just need to time out from the world.
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​Until then, I think I'll listen to the soundtrack as I get back to work!

I really didn't expect this blog post to end up this long, haha! Even though 2018 didn't live up to 2017's year of games and anime, I've certainly had a lot of fun. There's still a load of things I didn't get around to... Gris, Moss and Subnautica come to mind, but I'll catch up on those soon. I'm excited to see what else 2019 brings. Hopefully, more Steven Universe, Aggretsuko, a Yuri on Ice movie and *cough* We Love Katamari on Nintendo Switch. Actually, as I was writing this post, I learnt that exciting news is on the way for Detroit: Become Human. I can only hope it's Hank and Connor DLC... It's a big wish, but I can dream, right?

Now, I'm back to working on Memories. I had a few story ideas over the Christmas holidays and want to streamline the game, so I'll be focussing on editing over the next few weeks before continuing with the artwork.

I'm not really bothering with resolutions this year, only that I want to reduce my time on social media (particularly Facebook, which I've already deleted off my phone) and spend more time finishing Memories, exercising and playing with my dog. I see 2019 being a difficult but rewarding year, and hopefully things will start looking a little brighter as I approach 2020. Until then, it's heads down and work, work, work! Take care all :)

A few weeks ago, I challenged one of my all-time biggest fears: public speaking. I grew to loathe it over my formative years, due to a series of bad experiences and terrible anxiety. I would feel anxious for weeks leading up to show-and-tell at school, and yet, I still wanted people to listen to what I had to say. However, every time it would feel like my life was about to come to an end and that there was no future to look forward to – that I'd somehow die in front of everyone whilst talking. That's the irrationality of anxiety.

Whenever I'd have to do something like this, I'd practice every night to ensure I couldn't screw up. Screwing up would be the worst thing in the world. I know because it'd happened previously: I would forget my words, stutter, blush, or say something everyone else thought was stupid just to break the silence. It didn't take long before no-one wanted to associate with me and I became an easy target for bullying. I never looked confident when I spoke, but inside, I always thought myself as very confident. I received awards and praise from teachers for my artwork, and I was also incredibly good at maths and science and believed I could grow up to become whatever the hell I wanted. I was weirdly big-headed, but as soon as I was put in a room where I had to talk, it all went out of the window: "I am a pushover, someone to talk over, someone insignificant, and definitely not someone who's funny", but did I actually believe any of that? No.

Those closest to me found me silly and quirky. Even my fiancé says that I make him laugh so much, and he's the funniest person I know! I can have a crazy streak when I feel comfortable enough around people (hopefully you can see that humour in One Night Stand!), but feeling comfortable around people is something I rarely feel: I have social anxiety, and it's been with me ever since I can remember.

One time on holiday (I must have been about three years old) my parents left me with a play group whilst they went sailing for the day. I screamed and screamed, demanding they didn't leave me, but they stuck to their plan anyway. I was left with a group of people I didn't know and I couldn't take it... so I bolted. I needed to find my family. I walked for hours on my own in the baking sun, eventually bumping into them down a random path. Looking back, it's a miracle I didn't get lost or kidnapped or something. Not only did I endanger myself, I also missed out on a great day with the play group, making friends, picnicking on the beach and spotting turtles. Social anxiety has made me to miss out on so much fun in my life.

I was only formally diagnosed with social anxiety last year. Then, everything started to make sense. It may sound silly, but I thought everyone felt this way and was just really good at hiding it. I didn't realise that most of the population go about their day without this fear gnawing away at them. Only when I realised this, did I learn that I've almost been going through my whole life on hard-mode. I had been so cruel to myself; calling myself "pathetic" and "weak" because I believed I was on a level-playing field with everyone else – I believed that I didn't have anxiety. However, good news: I'm now learning how to be kinder to myself and give myself the support I always needed. This started with acceptance: "I find this tough and will always find it tough." (Also, Steven Universe helped a lot! It's full of love and acceptance and you should watch it if you haven't already!)

Since realising this, I'm able to do something about it. I had previously turned down every request to publicly speak, but when One Night Stand got nominated for Excellence in Narrative at IGF 2017, I knew I had to go and demo my game... alone.

I was anxious for weeks again, crying at the thought of demoing on my own and potentially having to go up and accept an award. Luckily, I got some help from my friends with the booth (I even ended up enjoying it!), and I didn't win the award so didn't have to give a speech (phew!), but in May 2017, I won New Development Talent at Women in Games 2017, so I had to go up on stage. I didn't think I'd win, so I didn't prepare a speech, and hence I bumbled out some words and walked off. I don't know what I said, only that I thanked my partner for being there and supporting me.

For anyone else, winning an award would be a joyous occasion, but for me, it's just nerve-wracking. However, in the long-term it feels great. I have the award on my shelf and it helps my self-esteem on those long days where I need some kind of validation. Working alone isn't easy. No-one passes by and says "I like your drawing!" or "Good job!" – I have to do that myself.

Anyway, I digress. Being thrown into these events helped me attend others. Instead of automatically turning them down like I used to, I decided to accept smaller things, such as workshops, recorded talks, podcasts and fishbowl discussions to see how they'd go, meet new people and talk about what I often keep inside. Some events were a little awkward at times, but generally they went fine, and I'd meet people who adored my game and wanted to listen to me. Despite how I may come across, I wanted this just like anyone else.

​Having people listen is a very new experience for me, but I was beginning to feel like I had something to offer people for the first time ever. I was starting to feel socially confident. That's why, when I was asked to attend Clash of Realities in Köln, I decided to go for it. The Lucy beyond the social anxiety really has a lot she wants to say, and holding her back for 30 years had turned the anger and sadness in on myself and made me ill. I wanted to talk about my game and share my findings on it, so I said yes.

It helped that the conference was over six months away at the time. It gave me enough time to write something and practice... and, most importantly, not freak out. Two months before, the panic started to kick in. I got triggered seeing photographs of people speaking publicly, but I worked with my therapist, practiced my speech, and learnt some self-love. I also imagined worst case scenarios, and then felt that if they were to happen, they wouldn't be the end of the world.

So, eventually, after an awful weekend prior, lack of sleep and cancelled trains, I made it to Köln, and somehow felt pretty good. I told myself "I want to do this" and it got me through. I did it! And even one of my worst case scenario things happened (technical difficulties)! But I laughed it off and enjoyed talking to everyone about what they came to listen to. I ended up having a great time and was buzzing for days afterwards.

As for game development, I have been working mainly on artwork for the last month. Memories is divided into roughly five story sections, and I'm hoping to complete the artwork for two of them by the middle of December. These two sections are the biggest in the game, so the others should be completed much more quickly... I hope! I estimate all artwork and story to be completed around April, leaving some programming, music, UI and testing to do. I'm hoping for a release sometime over Summer, but we'll have to see how it goes. Until then, here's a sneak peek:

Thanks for reading this very long, peculiar blog post! Until next time.

I am actually preparing a presentation right now on "Player Interactions in One Night Stand", for Clash of Realities conference in Köln. It's my first talk in years, so whilst I'm super excited to share information on One Night Stand, I'm also super nervous haha! But time to move past that and share findings :)

With Memories, I'm still not ready to share anything, but I thank you all for being so patient! News will be coming very soon, which if you're interested in, can be followed via the newsletter, or Twitter and Facebook. I've been working on a ton of artwork and animations recently and they're all just starting to come together. It's great when you can finally see your visions appearing on screen! Once they're in game, along with some finished UI, it'll be ready to screenshot and share - exciting times! I hope the world will love it as much as I do.

Just in time to celebrate the Steam and itch.io Summer sales, One Night Stand is now playable in Brazilian Portuguese and French! This version is now live on Steam, itch.io and Humble. I hope you enjoy it!

Whilst I've been busy with the localisations, I've also been reworking Memories. I won't divulge too much, but the game ended up being too big and ambitious yet again... Oh, why do I always fall into this trap? Well, I had to scale it back for financial safety, but more importantly, to make the game better in general. The story had gotten lost in itself and it was clear that I wanted to say much more than I'd originally planned. So, the story's now a small part of the original, but it's finished. The writing is done and it's such a relief! I've already begun story-boarding the scenes and creating the background art. Nearer the time, I'll show them to you, but I'm holding off right now. I daren't over-share but fear not; more information about Memories will be announced real soon, so please keep checking this blog and my social media feeds for updates! I promise I won't keep tweeting about Connor and Hank from Detroit Become Human, haha!

Enjoy the Summer sales on Steam and itch.io and if you're playing One Night Stand in Brazilian or French, I really hope you like it! Until next time! Até logo! Adieu!

It's been months since I last wrote a blog post! It seems the only time I get to write them these days is when I'm travelling. Game development has been heavy since the start of the year and looking after Goro has been hard work! The little Shibe is full of beans and always wants to play, which is not always possible, of course, so balancing him and work has been tricky. I've been working out at coffee shops more to help the process, giving us both a break away from each other, and I'm surprised at how much more productive I've been!

Coffees certainly add up, though, and it makes me wonder about the world's view on value. One Night Stand costs less than a cup of coffee, and probably lasts just as long for the average player. It's got me thinking a lot about the worth of digital products and what we can do to change that perception. I also think about how gaming can reach a wider audience... I still meet so many women and elderly who don't bother with games. It saddens me, really. Like, in my eyes, games are media just like books or film, but so few people would say they don't bother with those. I feel like we're failing a huge audience with stereotypical titles, and I want to change that.

Anyway, I digress! I'm at Copenhagen airport, waiting to board my flight to San Francisco. It's my third year at GDC and I feel pretty calm and confident – quite the change from the last two years! At my first GDC, I was a newbie indie developer and didn't know anyone. My flight got delayed and I missed the first day of the event. Then I caught the GDC flu! But somehow I still had a great time. Last year, was potentially a once-in-a-lifetime event where One Night Stand got nominated for Excellence in Narrative at IGF, so I demoed it (for the first time) and met hundreds of fans and peers – It was incredible! This year will probably be way more mellow (at least I'm trying to plan it that way, haha!): I I hope to meet some new people, preferably other developers, programmers and musicians (if you're there, hit me up!) whilst seeing some awesome new games and attending loads of interesting sessions. Oh, I love binging on sessions!

I won't give a huge update on Memories as I'm preparing for a more official announcement in the next few months, but the script is finally finished! "Finished" in the way that the endings are in, but it still needs tweaking and probably a few additions here and there. The art style is also decided upon (hurray!), and the GUI is nearly there as well. It means that in the upcoming months, I'll be bashing out artwork, refining the script and adding some gameplay elements, most of which are half-way there and already planned out. I'm very optimistic about the project, but there is still a lot of work to be done and it's still too early to show, really. Artwork is mainly the area that's lacking, so sadly there isn't really much to see! But you can find out a little more about the game here, and I'll be updating the page with new information soon!

Until then, take care everyone!