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One Night Stand gets physical!

2/17/2021

 
Exciting news for One Night "Stans" (see what I did there?), my first game One Night Stand is getting a limited physical release on Playstation 4! Pre-orders are open now over at Red Art Games.

There are only 999 copies available, so act fast if you'd like to have one!
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You may notice some new artwork on the sleeve...This is exclusive to this release. It was a lot of fun to create...revisiting One Night Stand again, posing for the camera and drawing “the stranger”!
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I’m still stoked that this is a thing that’s going to happen...It’s honestly beyond my wildest dreams. I can't wait to get my hands on a copy! I hope you'll pick one up, too :)

It's 2021 – What I enjoyed last year

1/5/2021

 
Happy New Year everyone! 6 years ago today, I started this adventure making my own indie games. I can't believe I've been doing this longer than any other job I've had, and I'm grateful I'm still able to do it :) However, it's been several months since I last updated you all on what I'm doing which I apologise for, though 2020 certainly was a year, huh? I thought 2019 was bad enough when several things went wrong for me, including my health nosediving into the unknown, but 2020 certainly took the biscuit. I think everyone is happy to see the end it, even though 2021 may not prove to be any better...

Anyway, every new year, I typically write a post about what I enjoyed over the last year. I'll be doing that again here, although it's taken me a considerable amount of energy to write or do anything creative recently. 

I've felt burnt out for over a year now. Once again, I took on too much work for myself alone and have had to act in several roles. Previously, when I got tired of work, I would switch to something else; Done too much art? Focus on programming. Done too much programming? Focus on writing. Done too much writing? Focus on audio. But this time, I have exhausted everything and I know I need a serious creative break after my next game is released. It doesn't help that everyone has been unable to travel most of 2020, as travel typically helps me recharge my creative energy. However, to combat this burn out, I hired some help, took staycations, and even took a trip out to the remote German countryside to escape the city. I took time off over Christmas to rest and relax, too, but it's hard to properly relax when friend's get sick, their parents die, governments continue to be incompetent etc etc. Everything has been so much harder in the last 9 months, and it's amazing simply surviving it.

I haven't seen my family or friends in person for 9 months now, but we've been playing games online and doing what we can to stay in touch. Things are bad, but not too bad. I try to remind myself every day just how lucky I am to be working at home doing what I love. Hopefully, with vaccines now being rolled out, we can start thinking about the future again.

2020 meant a lot of us stayed inside: We were able to catch up on the shows, films, books and games on our lists, and still have time spare to revisit our favourites. So, here's my list of what I caught my attention throughout the year, in the hopes some of you may find something new which you can enjoy, too!

Avatar: The Last Airbender

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I was super late to this party, but when Netflix brought back ATLA, I figured I'd finally watch it to see what all the fuss was about. Oh. My. God. My favourite thing of 2020 was watching this classic – I had such a blast and couldn't stop watching it! So, when it was over, I immediately jumped on to The Legend of Korra, though sadly I wasn't into it anywhere near as much as ATLA and found it a bit of a slog...Still, I can't wait to rewatch ATLA again (since by husband bought me the blu-ray boxset! <3 ) and get into the comics! (Oh, and I need to draw some Zuko fan art at some point!)

Don't do what I did and skip this gem because it's a kids cartoon or from Nickelodeon or whatever – get on it!

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

PictureMy fan art of good boy Miura.
13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim was probably my favourite game of the year. I say "probably" because I was agonising for weeks whether it was this or Paradise Killer. They're both joint firsts, I think, but 13 Sentinels made me cry and got me drawing fan art again, so perhaps it has the edge.

I don't know where to start about why I like this game...The art, the music, the story, the characters...Everything is good.

13 Sentinels is an ambitious sci-fi story which is somewhat like a collection of every sci-fi plot you can think of, with so many twists and turns it feels like you're going deeper and deeper down a rabbit hole. The ending was also pleasant, being extremely hopeful for mankind (which was comforting in 2020) and, unlike so many games these days, didn't feel like corners had been cut.

13 Sentinels is the first Vanillaware game I've played (everyone seemed to assume I was a big fan of theirs because I kept raving about this), but now I want to check out their other titles. You heard it from me: You do not need to be a Vanillaware fan to play this game.

Anyway, I'm glad 13 Sentinels performed well for Vanillaware in the West and is continuing to get picked up by more and more players. However, it's an easy game to spoil so I won't say anymore about it. Best to go in with little knowledge and try it for yourself.

Paradise Killer

I got to spend about 35-40 hours with 13 Sentinels. In contrast, Paradise Killer took me around 12-14 hours to complete. However, in less time, it gave me just as much enjoyment. Paradise Killer in an incredible game. I had such a blast with it and enjoyed exploring the whole island so I could find every clue possible...and I'm rarely a completionist.

Unlike most detective games, PK is non-linear and open-ended – In the final trial, you can accuse whoever you feel like. Of course, if you find everything, more evidence points to certain people, but your own judgement can be swayed by the order you found clues or whether or not you felt attached to any of the characters. I ended up sentencing a character I really liked to death because I believed they were guilty. It plays with your own morals and sense of judgement, and I liked that a lot.
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​The coolest thing in PK, besides the banging soundtrack which I cannot stop listening to, is probably the world itself. The lore, the demons, the gods, the clear Japanese and American influences, even a Shiba-Inu...! It's all perfectly thought out and the best game world I've visited in several years. I honestly felt upset having to leave the 24th Island Sequence, though I hope there will be a sequel in future where we can visit Perfect 25!

Holovista

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Here's another game with a vaporwave-like aesthetic, this time mixed with art deco and Instagram filters. Holovista is an AR game on iOS, set in a near future's Instagram-like app. The pre-rendered backgrounds we see throughout the game are some of the most stunning artworks I have ever seen in a video game, and it's clear these visuals were designed by a team who've worked in theatre, art and photography, rather than just video games. Again, like PK, the world's aesthetic is strong and you really feel as though you're being transported somewhere else.

Holovista's story critiques the effects of social media on our mental health, though I personally wanted it to go deeper on this than it did. The ending felt quite abrupt too, but, all in all, it was a different gaming experience which I recommend everyone experience.

BL: Metamorphosis

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I read a lot of manga throughout the year, but the stand out for me was BL: Metamorphosis. BL:M is a story about two Boy's Love fans who form a friendship through their shared love of BL. However, one is a high school student and part-time bookseller who knows all the latest BL, whilst the other is an elderly widowed woman (Ichinoi) who's just getting into BL.

I have a soft spot for elderly women trying new things like BL or video games, and then getting involved in the fandom or starting their own YouTube channels...For me, it's seriously heart-warming. I also hope that one day I will be a nerdy old lady like that, too, but what's so refreshing reading about this kind of thing is how age can affect your ability to enjoy such hobbies. Ichinoi is invited to a comic convention but has trouble waiting in line due to her legs and often needs to sit down.

Another moment which struck me was when Ichinoi was calculating how long it would take the manga-ka to finish the BL she was reading. She realised there's a good chance she maybe dead by the time the story is finished, something perhaps creators don't consider when working on their projects. BL:M sounds like a downer when I type out scenes like that, but
 Kaori Tsurutani delivers these lines so nonchalantly, it evokes empathy and warmth with the character.

Again, you don't have to be a BL fan to enjoy this one! Check it out.

Mushi-shi

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Mushi-Shi is an anime that has been on my watch list for many years, and because of being stuck inside much of the last year, I was finally able to watch it. Mushi-Shi is a quiet, slowly paced, episodic anime, quite different from typical seinen (for men) shows. In it, we follow Ginko; a master of Mushi (primitive, ubiquitous creatures), wandering through a 19th century Japan and treating the various ailments caused by them.

What I liked most about this show were the very real, human stories set in a fantastical, historic Japan. It was fascinating to see how each person reacted to their or their family member's illness/ good fortune caused by the Mushi.

Mushi-Shi was another piece of entertainment I encountered in 2020 with a strong, well thought-out world and aesthetic. Most episodes are melancholic, so I took my time watching it, but each episode has some of the best animation I've ever seen for a TV series. There was also a strange comfort watching a gentle show about ailments, virus-like creatures and epidemics in a year where they were really relevant.

Mob Psycho 100

PictureReigen's expression and animation in this scene makes it so special <3
I branched out a little with my anime this year...Shortly after watching Mushi-Shi, I started Mob Psycho 100. I'm not particularly fond of shonen (for boys) anime, but MP100 was a lot of fun, mainly because of it's fantastic cast of characters and cool animation (by studio Bones).

I was surprised when I learnt the first series was only 12 episodes long (I thought it was an anime with 50+ episodes or something) because there are so many characters! Yet, each character is perfectly introduced and understood even with their limited screen time.

My favourite moments tended to be at the start of each season; seeing Mob interact at school, trying his best to work out, getting duped by Reigen, being generally socially awkward, whilst seeing small glimpses of his awesome psychic powers. Towards the end of each season, the show goes fully shonen, and I found it a little dull/ tropey. Less time was spent with Mob and Reigen, who, in my opinion, are the strength of the show, and more time spent on enemies and fights...Though, I'll admit, some of the fights were pretty awesome and even I felt pumped! But my favourite parts of MP100 were whenever Mob was being super sweet. He's a character who's impossible to not love. Now, I want to draw Mob and Reigen fan art, hehe!

Necrobarista

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Games about death seem to be in fashion right now. There's Spiritfarer, I Am Dead and Necrobarista (just to name a few), but the latter really made me feel for the characters and question my thoughts around death and mortality. I know a game about death might seem like the last thing you'd want to experience in 2020 but, like all good stories around death, Necrobarista is actually hopeful, sweet and full of love.

I first played Necrobarista for IGF judging a few years ago, so it was an early build which, at the time, left little impression on me, but I decided to try it again when the final version released. Whilst playing, I was surprised at just how much it had changed. Necrobarista still has some weak moments, but overall it's a stylish game, extremely unique, and both happy and sad. It's a linear visual novel, with few choices or player input, but the camera shots and music make for a great experience and, if I'm honest, I preferred staying closer to the narrative, than wasting my time on mini-games and simulations. I also appreciated the setting (Melbourne, Australia) and culture around it, with tooltips on what certain Australian phrases mean. Another game which did this in 2020 was If Found, which is set in Ireland, and this trend is something I'd like to see more of in games. It makes a refreshing change to learn about different cultures and language usages outside the US.

Bugsnax

"Oh-oo-oh! It's Bugsnax!" – Those are the lyrics to Kero Kero Bonito's song which I haven't been able to get out of my head since last Summer! Bugsnax is a "cute" adventure game where you collect Bugsnax (kinda bug, kinda snack), feed them to local residents, help the residents, take photographs, and uncover the mysteries of Snaktooth island. I was very excited about this game as the premise sounded bizarre, yet different and "cute". I keep writing "cute" with inverted commas because it felt like there was always something iffy about Snaktooth island...Some kind of dark undertone to what was actually going on. This seemed to catch some players off-guard, assuming it was just a wholesome, kids game, but I liked that it went to a weird, darker place later on.

Whilst playing, I experienced a few bugs (har har) and often caught the bugsnax with luck alone, so I often didn't feel like I really earnt my catch. However, Bugsnax has some great, lovable characters and hilarious moments. My favourite characters were Snorpy and Chandlo as they're complete opposites but both love and care about each other deeply. Actually, there are more gay couples in Bugsnax than straight, and I feel like no-one has pointed that out which is a bit of a shame since I think it should be celebrated for great representation, especially in a "kids" game.

Anyway, Bugsnax made me feel like a kid again; whether that's because of the N64 vibe (it's a lot like Pokémon Snap), the silly characters or the "cute" critters, I don't know...but I do know it felt good to feel like that in 2020.
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Haven

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Haven is a (optional) couch co-op game which I played with my husband. You play a couple who have escaped to Source –a fragmented, previously inhabited planet– so they can be together. It's a gorgeous game with a fantastic soundtrack by Danger, who did Furi's OST. However, the controls make the game a little less fun, and the story's pacing is all over the place. The characters barely grow, too, which is a little disappointing, but I wanted to talk about Haven because, despite these issues, I found it inspiring. Couch co-op games have always been a favourite of mine, yet so few exist these days, but what makes Haven different is it's about a couple. Off the top of my head, I cannot think of another game where you play a couple in love...It's refreshing and pleasing to see. Also, this couple is straight, and I feel there aren't many straight couples in games who actually like each other or are explored beyond the initial getting together phase. In Haven, we see Kay and Yu always talking to one-another, holding each other as they fall asleep, cooking together, regaining health from hugs and kisses...and it's all beautiful. I won't say that their chemistry is anything particularly special; many lines of dialogue are relatable but rather tropey, yet it was still refreshing to see a couple trying to work together to survive on an unknown planet. Moments where Kay and Yu get intimate even felt a little uncomfortable, like we shouldn't be there, though I'm always impressed when a game pushes boundaries like that. The voice acting was superb, too, and brought both characters to life. Having been stuck inside most of the year with my husband, it was nice to see another couple getting by in their isolation and discussing amongst themselves if they're able to cope being cut off from everyone. Anyway, I recommend Haven if you enjoy seeing romance in games or enjoy Toejam and Earl – It's basically Toejam and Earl but they're in love.

Revolutionary Girl Utena

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Lastly, I rewatched my favourite anime: Revolutionary Girl Utena. I won't talk too much about it, as I'm sure I've mentioned why I love it a thousand times already, but I was finally able to buy a region 2(!!) box set and officially watch it! Seriously, I've had to cope with poor quality limewire files I downloaded over 15 years ago up until this point! Why are my favourite shows so difficult to find? >_< Anyway, I had such a good time revisiting it, I drew another fan art, this time of Utena in her coffin (see right).

Every time I watch RGU, I spot something new or finally figure out what something means. It's such a symbolic show and can be interpreted in a variety of ways, which is a huge reason I love returning to it. For example, unlike many of RGU's fans, I'm not lesbian, so I don't particularly see sexual tension between Anthy and Utena. However, as I a gray-ace, what I do see is pure-ace or platonic love, instead, but whatever your orientation, it's clear Utena loves Anthy throughout the show and does everything she can for her. Everyone's interpretations of this show are valid, and there's a beauty in keeping things symbolic and vague so it can reach a wider audience.

Each time I watch RGU, Utena seems more and more naive and foolish, but that doesn't make her unlikeable in the slightest – Many of us are naive and foolish when it comes to society's influence on us, in particular patriarchy's. To me, it's always enjoyable to see Utena (and the other characters) slowly wake up to this throughout the show...Not everyone wants to revolutionise the world as Utena eventually does. Some aspire to uphold the patriarchy and others wish entirely that miracles would cease to exist.

As I keep saying throughout this post, please do not miss this because you think it's not for you. My husband also loves RGU because it's deep, dark and complex, and he barely likes anime. There's a lot going on in RGU for everyone. For me, I love the message that you're valid even if you don't adhere to society's norms – Girls can be strong, but they don't need cast aside their femininity or play by patriarchy's rules in order to be so.


There were many other things I enjoyed throughout the year (Hades, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Among Us), though I felt these have been covered much better by more people, so I wanted to talk about things you may have missed. Also, there were a load of games and shows I didn't get around to in time. For example, I'm still playing Yakuza: Like a Dragon and rewatching Sailor Moon and The Demon Headmaster (hello my 90s), though I feel these are all things I'd be talking about if I'd finished them before the year end!

However, before I sign off, I want to do a final shout out to my gaming moment of the year which was from Final Fantasy VII Remake. I know...FF7 Remake. Me. If you've read my previous blog post, you may be confused as to why my favourite gaming moment of the year was in FF7 Remake, but the moment you reach the third phase of the Jenova battle, the music drops and all my love for the the original game resurfaced, giving me goosebumps over my entire body. It was something special, even if it was mostly through the power of nostalgia.

As for game development, I am planning on a formal announcement for my next game real soon. In the past, I have said too much, too soon, so I don't want to make that mistake again. I just thank you for sticking with me and being so patient!

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As several countries are once again going into lockdown, everyone please look after yourselves and stay safe! We'll get through this together.

Best wishes for 2021!

My thoughts on FF7 Remake

5/17/2020

 
Okay. This is going to be a long post but there are a lot of words I need to get out of my system...

It's no surprise to my followers that Final Fantasy VII is my favourite game of all time. I doubt there will ever be anything to knock it from that spot, too, as FF7 came into my life at the pivotal age of 11 years old – I was reaching the end of my childhood, entering adolescence and becoming the adult I am today.

When I finished FF7 for the first time, I remember feeling lost and alone. The characters and world I'd spent so much time with were gone, the story was finished and the music I'd fallen in love with had stopped playing. I didn't know what to do with myself apart from play it again, but I knew it wouldn't be the same as that first time, and I couldn't exactly keep replaying it the rest of my life.

Two things happened; the first being my introduction to anime. After completing FF7, I came across a music video animated by Studio 4°C (The Bluetones - 4 day weekend) and I realised it had a similar art style and theme. After some research, I learned that this was called anime and made in Japan, so I researched into it via the early internet. I stumbled across Sailor Moon, Tokimeki Memorial (which I still haven't played!) and even learnt about the sequel to FF7: Final Fantasy 8. Then Pokémon took over the planet and soon everyone knew was anime was, but it's obvious through my work and art style that Japanese animation has had a huge influence on me, and it started with FF7.

I first discovered FF7 through my brother, as his friend lent him a copy of the game for PC (yup, we played a pirated version...) and I sat to watch him play. However, my brother was busy studying for his exams at the time and didn't play as much as I wanted to. Eventually, I decided to start my own game and played it on his PC before he came home from college. I even roped in my best friend and we ended up defeating Sephiroth long before he did. Yet, despite all this, when I completed the game for the first time, I somehow felt like I had no-one to share it with – That no-one got it the same way I did. My brother didn't finish it for many years and my friend preferred The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, though I think the loneliness I felt also had something to do with my parents: I wanted them to experience this wonderful story which I found life-changing, but they don't play games at all. So, the second thing that happened once I completed FF7 was me literally praying that the creators make a movie of FF7. Everyone, even my parents, watches movies.
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I was surprisingly quite a religious kid.
Be careful what you wish for! As we know, Square did make a FF7 movie several years later. At first, I couldn't believe my wishes had come true, but when I finally watched it, I hated it. To me Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children was style over substance, and although I enjoyed the music and seeing some of the characters in HD, I disliked the plot, "coolness" and how all the characters who'd died had somehow been brought back through flashbacks, reunions, the lifestream...whatever nonsense they could think of. (I recently read a brilliant article on how Advent Children undermines the theme of life, which is what FF7 is all about. You can read it here: https://goombastomp.com/advent-children-and-the-romanticization-of-final-fantasy-vii/). In my eyes, FF7 didn't need a sequel; It ended perfectly, and, like The Matrix, I decided to ignore it. However, upon starting the re-imagining of FF7 (FF7 Remake), I was left with mixed feelings. I hoped that, since the general consensus of Advent Children is now "bad", Square would not follow the same style with Remake as they did with AC, so I held onto this belief for the first 35 hours of the game, and then the ending happened.

I know many people reading this won't have finished the game yet, or even started it, so I will try my best to clearly mark spoilers in this post – both MINOR and MAJOR spoilers. 
MINOR ones will be discussing things like music, side-quests and new characters. However, MAJOR SPOILERS I recommend avoiding completely if you're a fan of FF7 and want to play Remake yourself. However, from now on I will be talking more about the original game and Advent Children, spoiling them completely as they have been out for many years now. You have been warned!

Let's start by going back in time and remembering how Remake came to be. In 2005, Square teased a FF7 tech demo for PS3. It showed the game's opening cut-scene in stunning HD and the "fans" went wild. Cynical me, whilst enjoying seeing such a technical marvel, disliked what it meant. Soon, the "fans" were demanding a FF7 remake, stating how much it was needed because the original game was an ugly, convoluted, badly-translated mess. As someone who truly loves FF7, seeing this stuff hurt. I couldn't understand how "true fans" could say these things or even desire a remake, but I was very much in the minority loving FF7, warts and all.

One of my favourite things about the original is the blocky, chibi character models, yet it was clear from the tech demo that these would be the first thing to get axed. To me, this is a real shame because I believed a remake with Bravely Default-like character art would have worked much better. ​FF7's toy-like characters somehow work in a world where the protagonist is an amalgamation of his memories, his friend's, Jenova cells and his own weak will. Outlandish stories made sense in this world. The low-polygon models gave the player a sense of playing with dolls and, hence, were able to add their own interpretations to them. It also left room to focus more attention on the words, music and camera angles. I'm surprised even today at how certain shots and animations from the original succeed in expressing more emotion than Remake. I'm not convinced photo-realism is the best way to tell stories in video games.

Anyway, let's jump ahead 10 years to June 2015. It's E3 and Sony hosts its middle-of-the-night-UK-time conference. My boyfriend (now husband) and I caught up on the highlights the next morning. FYI he is a huge Shenmue fan.
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I'll never forget how polar-opposite we were in that moment. He was overjoyed that Shenmue 3 was finally happening, whilst I was devastated FF7 was getting a remake. My fears had come true: The "fans" were getting what they want.

However, in the last couple of years leading up to Remake's release, Square Enix showed us trailers and promotional art of the game, and I can't deny that they gave me goosebumps. Nostalgia is a powerful force, especially now as the world feels so bleak – What I wouldn't give to be that carefree 11 year old again – So, I decided to give Remake a go. After all, I needed to play it for myself to be able to have an opinion on it.

FF7 Remake finally released on April 10th 2020, and I was there immediately. I vowed to work that day, but by lunchtime, I found myself back in Midgar, taking my very first steps in the reimagined world. For the first 30 minutes, I was in love: The music was great, the graphics were stunning, and I found myself walking around just staring at all the environmental detail. Pipes, crates and ladders have never been so interesting.
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They're nice-looking pipes!
MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Although, there were occasional texture loading issues, I wished there was a photo mode so much. I sincerely hope they add one soon, as I'd like to replay the game with Japanese voice-overs, taking many, many photographs.

Anyway, for my first play-through, I used English voice-overs and, at the start, I disliked almost every voice. In the original game, there is only text, so you add your own impression of the character's voice in your mind. To me, Cloud was always serious, cocky and occasionally hilarious. In Remake, he's as you'd expect if you'd watched Advent Children: Emo, lethargic and fed-up.
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Barret and Tifa seemed wrong, too, but after spending a few hours with them, they clicked for me. However, by then the party splits off and we meet Aerith, whose voice I again wasn't convinced by.

Worse than the voice-acting, though, is the iffy dialogue. I enjoyed the party chatting to each other throughout fights from time to time, but sometimes it went a little weird: Jokes fell flat, remarks were misread and I couldn't figure out if characters were being sarcastic or not. Barret said something said about Cloud being "1 year old" and I think it was meant to be a joke? Also, Barret's opening rant about saving the planet after the first mission felt awkward as hell, as this big scary dude, whose eyes you haven't even seen yet, is so angry that you think he's going to blast you into smithereens. This is something that didn't happen in the original, as Barret was a cute, chunky, lil' polygon man. Luckily, the dialogue improved as the game went on...Either that, or I got used to it.

When I play FF7, my squad is Cloud, Tifa and Red XIII. I love these characters the most and was excited to meet them in Remake. Sadly, I didn't like Tifa anywhere near as much as I did in the original. The general impression of her, I believe, is "she's a badass", but in Remake she is anxious, ruminating and often scared. Tifa has a big heart and this still came across, but the toughness she used to have – running a bar in the dodgy-looking slums – just isn't there. This is in part due to the slums themselves, which I'll discuss later. Now, I'm not saying Square Enix shouldn't have fleshed her out to have doubts or be more feminine or whatever, but it felt a little too far to me. I especially hated how she (and Jessie) couldn't talk without moving their whole bodies every time – Seriously, I'm surprised there haven't been memes made of this yet. Tifa's introduction was just weak, and Cloud's flashback to their childhood promise comes in randomly when he looks up at a building during a mission (?) instead of, like, you know...talking to Tifa herself. Remake does this kind of thing a lot – wanting to do something different from the original without considering why – and I really don't want to be that fan who disliked everything new, but most changes sucked. Many of the triggered memories, "headaches" and important story beats were too random and too frequent to be effective, too, and that's because Midgar is now a 40 hour game instead of 6-7 hours – Story gets padded over and over and over again.
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When Aerith shows up, I found myself warming to her surprisingly quickly and enjoyed her character a lot. In Advent Children, she appears like this perfect goddess, not the gutsy girl who grew up in the slums, but Remake gets her right and shows the impact she has on opening up Cloud's heart. It's difficult to consider Tifa as a love interest in Remake, as Cloud is so withdrawn from her...Plus Tifa herself seems more interested in Aerith anyway (spawning many Tifa x Aerith fan arts/ memes!).

I was about to write that there was no dating mechanics in Remake – Aerith gives you a flower, still, but you can't give it to Marlene – however, I just read that there was an "affection scene" after all. The reason it wasn't obvious was because you earn it not by making a series of visual-novel-like choices from the original game, but by how many side quests you do in each chapter. This random scene also appears outside Aerith's house as a dream-like haze, so my highest affection with Aerith didn't seem out of place here. Whilst having side-quests add to affection points may make sense in the grand scheme of things (do you help Tifa's slum friends or Aerith's slum friends?), it's likely the majority of players are going to do them all for experience and rewards. Which character they want to be closest to probably isn't on their minds – It certainly wasn't on mine. Again, I'd prefer visual-novel-like dialogue choices where you understand what's going on. Often, Remake replaces dialogue choices, hidden secrets and puzzles with combat instead.

​The first side-quests open up when you reach the Sector 7 slums and the game becomes "open-world" (It even uses FF7's world map theme, ew). This is when Remake becomes your standard AAA affair, and instead of continuing with the story, you're now expected to break it up, kill some rodents and find lost kittens. This kind of thing always effects the pacing of a story, and it's no exception here. Luckily, I found these parts passed quickly as you're never overloaded by quests, but I still wonder what exactly they added, apart from perhaps a little purpose towards levelling up your party. Perhaps the intention was to get to know the slums better and understand how these people lived, but this didn't add anything. It's safe to say that players of the original game, even with only a few hours Midgar's slums, resented Shinra and the upper plate. It was clear just how gross the slums were, but instead of disgust, Remake focusses on pity. The old gritty slums under the rotting pizza are now brightly lit, airy little villages. Where it used to feel like a dangerous place, full of thugs, monsters and sick men living in pipes, Remake's slums are filled with kids and kittens. This isn't necessarily a bad change – you feel pity for the dwellers instead – though I'd argue if that's what they were trying to do, empathy would be better than pity. What did the developers want me to do with this pity? We were still going to plow ahead and blow up some reactors...Helping out folks in the slums isn't the goal of the game. Sadly, it didn't fuel my fire and only distracted me from the game's objective. It didn't even seem that bad to live in the slums...
.Until Shinra decides to drop a plate on you, that is.

SOME MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Or did they? Unlike FF7, where the plate instantly crashes down and kills everyone beneath it, Remake softens the blow with the plate only partially breaking down piece by piece. This gave the residents a chance to escape, and even Wedge made it out alive. Whilst a happier story, it lost the impact of just how cruel Shinra were in their ambitions to crush Avalanche...Though, again, showing hundreds of realistic humans getting crushed isn't quite the same as them being little toy people.

​END OF MAJOR SPOILERS (FOR NOW), MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

There're options to play mini-games at this point, too. There are darts, squats, colosseum battles etc. though I found myself doing each of these only once, meaning I missed out on second limit breaks and collecting all the summons. For an open-world-like, AAA game, Remake is odd in that many mini-games cannot be returned to easily, if at all.

​I did most of the side-quests, but wanted to press on with the story since the pacing was slow for me. Chadley, a Shinra Inc. intern, gives you battle intel missions to do, which I found difficult to focus on at first due to the battle system being quite challenging. He'd ask me to assess a certain number of monsters before I could progress further, but when my ATB bar filled so sparingly, I always used it to ensure I didn't die. Despite this, though, I actually enjoyed the battle system in Remake. It's not too different from FFXV's battle system, which was new to me at the time. It's fast-paced and action-packed, but left little skill apart from bashing X. Remake, however, requires you to plan ahead and ensure you use the correct moves. I played on normal difficulty, but I hear hard is a fun challenge which I'd like to try on my next play-through.


I read a quote somewhere, which said "Final Fantasy 7: Remake LOVES its boss battles" and that rang true throughout. There are boss battles after boss battles where there were no boss battles before. Whilst I don't mind these additions, I occasionally felt fed up when fights took nearly 30 minutes because I went in with the incorrect materia setup and only just scraped by. Luckily, if you fail, you can retry from before the fight and even change your loadout. (Please make a note of this, as I wanted to change my loadout with my fight with Reno and it nearly ended in tears as I selected "Retry from last checkpoint", which was actually in the previous chapter, well before the fight with Airbuster which took me many attempts to defeat!) Remake prioritises its new battle system over everything, and whilst enjoyable, I miss being sneaky or doing optional content that doesn't require killing things. Luckily, you can still run up the stairs in Shinra Headquarters,

As a lover of turn-based strategy games and side-scrolling beat-em ups, I found Remake's battle system like a mix of both of them, comparable to combat in the Yakuza games. It requires tactics and is satisfying yet tough, though I couldn't always act fast enough, especially when it came to dodging and blocking. I'd often switch between characters so I could get a breather from relentless, player-focused attacks. My typical squad of Cloud, Tifa and Red XIII was slowly becoming Cloud, Aerith and Barret, as the latter two are both long range, meaning I had the space required to think and assess the battlefield...and I needed that to win. It was also much easier to defeat enemies hanging on walls or flying around with Barret's gun or Aerith's magic. Close combat just lead to my characters dying over and over again.

Later in the game, boss battles became less enjoyable for me as I felt like I was never strong enough, and it seemed there were very few places to level up and grind. It's strange because I could have ran up and down the collapsed expressway if I wanted to gain some experience, and I did do that a couple of times, but because there was no after-battle summary screen of XP bars, GIL earnt, items found or even fanfare, I didn't feel like I got stronger. I missed feeling a little bit over-powered from time-to-time. Returning to earlier parts of the game never felt significantly easier as they always do in old FF titles. Cloud's sword seemed to constantly clash against metal, rather than cutting through it, and this reduced my enjoyment. Overall, the battle system is more fun than the original game, but it felt less balanced. I think enemies could have done with a little less HP and a little more recoil from your attacks. I loved fighting Hell House, though! Kudos to Square Enix for keeping this silliness in.

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Remake's music was generally beautiful and enjoyable, though old tracks were occasionally used in bizarre places that didn't quite work. I mentioned FF7's main theme in the Sector 7 slums, but another stand out was Wall Market's iconic theme removed and used as a battle theme. It made a banging tune, which I enjoyed tremendously, but I missed hearing it in Wall Market itself. Instead, it is replaced with a new repetitive track that I quickly grew tired of. Sometimes, themes were remixed with others, and whilst it sort of worked, it felt overblown and unnecessary at times. Jenova's battle theme, from near the end of the game, is incredible but the small addition of One-Winged Angel felt cheesy to me. There are also songs you can buy and play in jukeboxes around Midgar which contain new mixes of beloved songs from the original game. Remake also welcomed some great new songs (Hollow Skies and Midnight Rendezvous) and there is plenty of entertainment to be found in the soundtrack alone, as the entire OST is over 8 hours long, which is insane.

I've spoken about dialogue, characters, combat and music, so let's move onto the story. As with FF7, Remake starts with the opening bombing mission. This is where Cloud meets Avalanche and has his first "seizure". Once the squad is above ground, we spend some time on the plate and see what life is like up there. We meet Aerith, but things do not play out the same as they do in FF7: Sephiroth shows up, as do these black ghosts (which I'll call "dementors" for now) and I screamed "What the hell is this Harry Potter shit doing here?!" (FYI I like Harry Potter, but there's a time and place). Meeting Aerith was originally brief and seemingly insignificant, which was excellent because you didn't know her yet, though something about her seemed remarkable. Remake, however, deals with this and similar scenes with its prior knowledge i.e. Aerith is one of the most iconic video game characters ever so meeting her needs to be a big deal.

SOME MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

These approaches set you up for what Remake really is: a follow up to FF7, Advent Children and Crisis Core. Despite posing as a remake for the first 35 hours, hints of these changes – the dementors – are scattered all the way through, appearing where they shouldn't, and annoyingly pissing me off every time. It was only near the end of the game when I understood what they were about – when Red XIII tells you they're "whispers" – otherwise, I was just confused every time I saw them. It seems Square Enix missed the "show, don't tell" memo (though, I'd like to replay Remake to see if it was just me being dumb).

END OF MAJOR SPOILERS (FOR NOW), MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Many extra story beats were added in Remake. Before the second bombing mission, there's a motorcycle chase with the Avalanche gang, a run-in with a SOLDIER (who looks like he's straight out of Kingdom Hearts) and a cute meal shared with Jessie's family. I really enjoyed Biggs, Wedge and Jessie here and, considering how little time you spend with them in FF7, they did a great job fleshing them all out, even physically (hello Biggs). Jessie always had a crush on Cloud and in Remake they do not shy away from this fact. Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed this as it expanded on the original.
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Can I just stay here?
Most of what I loved in Remake were these kind of expansions: When you meet Aerith, you pick flowers in her garden and deliver them to the local orphanage. When you sit in the play park outside Wall Market, you can actually slide down the slide. When you visit Wall Market, you can step into all the shops loved in the original, and they even have Moogle lucky cats! These moments filled me with joy and felt like a faithful adaptation of the original game, not Advent Children or Crisis Core. They even kept the humour and silliness of the original, particularly in Wall Market with the street thugs, Honey Bee Inn and suggestive massage scene. I could feel my icy shell begin to thaw out and I wanted to play more and more.
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However, Wall Market underwent many changes. I mentioned music and puzzles already, but the whole quest to dress Cloud up as a woman had changed significantly. Now, you need approval from three new characters who get to decide who is sent to Don Corneo's mansion to become his bride. You aren't left to figure out anything anymore, like how to source the dress and convince the dress-maker to go back into business. The Honeybee Inn is no longer optional, either. When you visit, the whole makeover is pretty much done for you. Then, you have to prove your worth in the new colosseum – yup, still more fighting. From screenshots and articles I'd seen about this part of the game, I thought it was going to be spectacular. Visually, I suppose it was; It was very reminiscent of Majima's cabaret club in Yakuza 0 (which I love) but other than a dancing mini-game you can never play again, there wasn't as much fun to be had here as I'd hoped.

Corneo's mansion itself didn't quite have the same impact it once did...Cloud and Aerith get gassed on entry for some reason, yet it changes nothing, though at this point, I can hear myself nit-picking! There was a funny moment where Tifa realises Cloud is in drag and he says "Nailed it, I know. Thank you. Moving on." and it seemed like the original game's Cloud was back! Afterwards, the group get dropped into the sewers and you spend many hours fighting your way out and through the train graveyard. This part was always a slog in the original game, but it's dragged out even more here. More strange story scenes are added, and the dementors show up again for unclear reasons.
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Once out, we see the plate is going to be dropped above Sector 7. We rush to Avalanche's aid, and since we spent more time with them, their deaths were actually quite upsetting this time around...Although, not to sound heartless, but feeling sad for these guys wasn't really what FF7's story was about. Cloud simply does his job and shrugs death off at this stage of the original story. Only when Aerith dies, does he truly understand what loss is.

Anyway, Aerith gets taken away by the turks soon after and Cloud and Co want to rescue her. The momentum you feel during this stage in FF7 is fired with anger and passion. In Remake, you return to Don Corneo's sewers, fight the same boss again, spend time chasing its spawn all around the place, then hear a lame story about a new, boring, straight-outta-Kingdom Hearts character, full of cheesy tropes and adding absolutely nothing of value. It's here I started to dislike Remake again. It's the "Nomura" effect.

When you do eventually climb up to the plate, it's a fully fleshed out "dungeon" and takes plenty of time. Again, this added to the scale of Midgar and I didn't mind it, although, again, puzzles were replaced with combat.

Arriving at Shinra Headquarters feels pretty cool, although, as many hours had passed since Aerith was taken away, you have to try and remind yourself why you're there. Walking into the place, there is absolutely no-one around. The funny Barret moments of him running in, shooting and threatening everyone were gone. As I mentioned earlier, I can see why they decided to change this, but it didn't stop the HQ from feeling oddly empty.

I took the stairs to reach the top of the building and I'm so glad I did as the banter was hilarious. Barret acts like a little kid, and I found myself warming to him so much more by the end of it. Once at floor 60, there are a few keycard puzzles, though way less than the original game. There was no sneaking around the air vents to win rare items or library mini-games. However, we got given a Shinra tour and learnt all about the company instead. It was nice to see their cars, advertisements and mission objectives in a little more detail. My favourite part was the 4D cinema experience where Shinra introduces the ancients and the promised land...It was making me fall for Remake again.

Once on floor 65, after spying on the executives meeting, you do not need to do anymore puzzles for keycards. It's straight into Hojo's lab, reuniting with Aerith and meeting Red XIII.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD (Seriously, if you haven't played Remake and want to, I would stop reading here.)

Hojo's idea of breeding the two is no longer here as it's another odd story beat from the original which wouldn't work with Remake's realism. Still, it changes the scene and makes meeting Red XIII feel a little pointless. Introducing him at the end of the game also meant that he is not playable, though he helps a little in battle.

Then, instead of getting imprisoned as in the original, the party run around fighting for Hojo's "experiments". I won't lie, it felt like a lame excuse to pad out the game with even more fighting, especially since you're stuck in the drum for what felt like hours afterwards. The prison down time, chatting to the characters and getting to know them a little more, is now replaced by visiting Aerith's childhood bedroom. I enjoyed seeing this, but I really missed waking up in the night to see the trail of blood leading out of the open prison door. FF7 was ocassionally scary and I loved it for this. In comparison, Remake's trail of blood isn't even red, nor does the music play until you're right outside President Shinra's office...And guess what? He's not even dead.

This is when Remake starts really getting weird, and the whispers return to flood the building. Red XIII had just described them as "arbiters of fate", meaning they force fate to run on its intended path i.e. the original game's story. "OH! That's what they are!" I realised. So whenever the whispers had shown up in the past, it meant that they were forcing the original game to play out exactly as before. That's why they push Wedge out of the building and kill him soon after. Okay...but why now? And why didn't they show up every time there was a deviation from the original?

Sephiroth also appears in the President's office (because he's got nothing better to do than torment Cloud these days, it seems) and actually stabs Barret in the chest! "NOOO!" I screamed, as I'd come to love him even more than in the original game, but after a random fight with Jenova, the whispers bring him back to life, showing that this is not how this plays out. "Are they the fans expecting things to be just so?" Whilst I applaud Remake for trying to be so bold, it adds drama for stupid reasons: Why show Barret die only to bring him back a few minutes later? It's to show that the REAL story of Remake is these characters wanting to define their own fates, not, y'know, the actual story of FF7 we loved. It's like my final year University project all over again (I've taken it off YouTube because the standard does not live up to my work today, but it was an animation about a video game character who became self-aware and wished to oppose his fate and escape the world of the game). I understand that meta seems cool and edgy and is in vogue, but it doesn't automatically make for a good story. I'd argue that meta is something us video game designers feel the need to get out of our system when we're young and anti-establishment. I don't feel it belongs in FF7. Besides, Remake differed from the original a lot already, so why didn't they just run with that and remove all the whisper nonsense? The result would have been a better game.
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A clip from my final year animation project of a game protagonist trying to escape their fate. Funnily, Sephiroth, Red XIII and Squall are present!
Things only spiral downwards from here. Whilst the motorcycle chase and Rufus battle were fine, I guess, the game does not end when you reach the end of the highway. The whispers amass, showing the characters their fates (video clips from Advent Children), and despite saving the world and letting nature reclaim Midgar, they collectively decide that's a crap future now and they don't want it. Um....what?! Holy and the lifestream saved Midgar from meteor, and despite Aerith's death, it all went pretty well. FF7 is a bittersweet ending, but Remake decides it's terrible so we're supposed to feel motivated to fight the arbiters of fate before finally facing Sephiroth, who's there for no other reason but fan service. It's kind this kind of irony that seems to go completely over Remake's head: They wish to create a new story but bring Sephiroth in over and over and over again like they did with AC (seriously, he shows up enough to make a drinking game out of it). Again, because he's a beloved, iconic character, even the developers have forgotten Sephiroth isn't the real bad guy in FF7.

I enjoyed some of the changes and expansions on FF7 in Remake, but if the whole "changing fate" premise is to add even more Sephiroth and have Aerith and Zack live (which I fear it is) it sadly doesn't sound good to me – It sounds like more Nomura fan service, and yet if they don't kill Aerith off in Remake's follow-up, 
EVERYONE will talk about it – A good marketing stunt, but does it make for a good story?

Pretty much everything I disliked in Remake was like Kingdom Hearts bullshit...Basically, Nomura. Now, I love his work and original designs in FF7 and FF8, but I think giving him this much freedom to do whatever he wants is what's ruining these games. I believe he's talented if he's tamed, but I get the impression no-one had the energy to push back against him with Remake (or even wanted to). Kitase even admitted to unofficially making Nomura the director.

PictureImagine seeing this with no context.
I'm sure you can tell, I'm full of mixed feelings regarding Final Fantasy 7 Remake. I think creators should only take fan/ player feedback where it makes sense and keep maintain their creative freedom, but changing the ending of an already-established game, right at the end of it, almost makes all those hours leading up to it a big troll for loyal fans (and is probably sucky for newcomers, too). Considering my feelings leading up to Remake's launch, it was incredible that I actually warmed up to it and enjoyed the fleshed out parts of the game. To have these turned around on me by the end...I just feel confused about everything regarding this game. As a game developer myself, I understand Square Enix's perspective: They had a vision and didn't want to compromise on it to make what the fans think they wanted. Still, the best moments were when the developers were creative in exciting yet subtle ways, fleshing out Midgar and adding background to the characters. It's as though Remake was trying to be two things: a faithful remake and a meta game about remakes.

Remake ends where the original game truly begins. It shouldn't be an ending to the original story, only the start of it...but, in actuality, it's now an ending. They say it's about the journey and not the ending, so it shouldn't change how I enjoyed parts of the game leading up to it but, looking back, it has. What's the point of certain things happening if this is the real story? I just don't know.

The weirdest part of this is people playing this without ever touching FF7 before. For the first 35 hours, I didn't think it mattered and would have happily recommended it to newcomers but I can't say this since the ending. It must make so little sense, and again, I'm worried it'll leave a sour taste in player's mouths. FF7 is about saving the planet and the philosophy of life, but since Remake doesn't get that far, new players will think it's about this Sephiroth guy causing headaches with the spikey-haired jerk, who's just fed-up and emo...and there's a random cat...and then they fight their fate for some reason...Did they all just want Barret to die after all, is that it? Ultimately, Remake has been fighting with itself over what it wants to be. I just hope people will decide to check out the original and not forget it exists. Like remakes of beloved films, I believe FF7 is still an important piece of gaming history and shouldn't be forgotten.

Still, I did enjoy my time with Remake and felt sad when it was over, though nothing close to how I felt defeating FF7 22 years ago. As I mentioned earlier, I want to replay Remake when the dust has settled (and a photo mode is added!) but the ending has left a bitter taste in my mouth. I guess my feelings will decide where they want to land once we know what's in store for the rest of the remakes, if there will even be any. Remake's ending could very easily be the story they've just shown, since the characters have freed themselves from the arbiters of fate (and Sephiroth even got beat up). Why do they need to return then? Are Jenova and Hojo really such a great threat anymore? Whilst Square Enix have set themselves up to do whatever they want after Remake, doing so doesn't make much sense anymore. What's the point? It's done.

For me, the saddest thing is that even I grew to love parts of Remake and found myself thinking "They've only gone and pulled it off!", which I would've never thought. Yet, doing a simple remake wasn't the whole team's goal...It's not very "Final Fantasy" to make something as uncreative as a direct remake, which is why I can't be too mad at the ending...BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL! I honestly believe it could've been an astonishing game if it stayed closer to the original work. No more Nomura, that's what I say! *SHAKES FIST AT CLOUD*

​Despite what you may think of my slightly negative review, I'm happy that Remake exists and everyone is talking about FF7. Even those who don't plan to play Remake at all are revisiting the world of FF7 right now and admiring just how amazing it is. Young me would be chuffed that I've found so many people who love this game as much as me. My real wish was to find connections to people who loved this game like I do, and thanks to Remake, I have.

...Also, I would die for Moogle kid. Just sayin'.

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Hey, if you've read this far, thank you! Most of my free time for the last month has been spent writing all this hahaha... Then I saw Dunky's FF7 Remake review and realised we pretty much share the same opinions (apart from Jessie). Check it out, it's very funny:
I hope lockdown is going okay for you and you and your families and happy and healthy. It's a tough time for us all but I believe we will get through it if we are patient and kind to ourselves and others.

Game development is steadily coming along, though it has been tough to focus some days recently. Hopefully, I will have a lot of stuff to show you real soon! Until then, stay home, stay safe and maybe give FF7 Remake a play ;-)

An update during this difficult time

4/4/2020

 
Hello everyone. I just wanted to update you all on Memories' (working title) development during this difficult time. Firstly, myself and my family are doing well: Goro is still getting his daily walks, my husband now works at home (making my daily life a little less lonely) and my routine is pretty much unaffected. Actually, I'm probably doing better with someone else around as it's helping my productivity and I find myself working longer hours than I did before. Of course, some days it's difficult to focus...but we're in a crisis and I'm not going to beat myself up over getting distracted by the news and panicking for a couple of hours a week.

I got married in the beginning of March (yay!) and had my birthday last Sunday (hurray!)...and it's been weird trying to be happy when it feels like everything is up in flames around you, but I believe we can still find happiness in times of darkness and we should try to keep our moods up now more than ever. Also, Animal Crossing helps!

However, I know many people are in much less fortunate positions than I am right now, which is why I'm offering One Night Stand for free on PC, Mac and Linux for those who're experiencing financial difficulties. Just write me an email or contact me on Twitter or Facebook and I'll send you a key. It's not much but it's something. I believe we all have to try and help each other however we can right now, even if that's just by staying home.

Anyway, since returning from my wedding, Memories has come a long way. Christmas, New Year, trips home, bureaucracy and wedding planning slowed me down the first two months of the year, but now I'm plowing through tasks like the Plow King shovels snow. I finally set my Trello board to good use and got it working for myself. I've made lists of jobs for each area of the game: programming, memory artwork, present day artwork, sound effects, editing tasks etc. I was finding myself lost every Monday morning, unsure of what to tackle each week, whilst now I can see everything clearly and bash on with it. I've done so much present day exploration artwork recently so I'd like to share some with you:
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Gotta have fake game magazines!
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Finding old photographs.
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The treehouse filled with memories.
Note: These are in development and subject to edits.

Programming and UI are coming along nicely too: I've recently added some jigsaw puzzle-like games, keypad locks, button hovers and screen pans. Sound and music is a little behind, but I'm slowly adding sound effects on the more-finished scenes. Also, most of the new artwork I've drawn is in and working too.

Next up is finishing the exploration artwork and implementing it all – Seriously, you can search for so much stuff in this game, it's crazy! – followed by more sound effects, ongoing editing and programming. There are a few memories left than need artwork too, so once the next round of edits is done, I'll be starting that, wrapping up almost all of the remaining artwork!

It's still a few months away from being completed, but Memories is coming along nicely. I really hope I can continue this productivity whilst we're in lockdown and get the game out before Autumn hits! That's my goal but this is game development and she tends to have different plans ;-)

Everyone, thank you for reading this post! Please take care and check in with loved ones during this difficult time. Remember to stay inside and stay safe! I'll be back with more updates as I get closer to finishing the game soon! Until then!

What I enjoyed in 2019 - part 2

1/9/2020

 
Well, we're a week into 2020 now so it's about time I finished my list. I hope you get the chance to check out some of my recommendations!

Eliza

Ahh, I loved this game! Eliza (named after the natural language conversation program created at MIT's AI laboratory) is a visual novel by Zachtronics about an AI counselling program, the people who use it and the people who develop it.

You play as Evelyn, who's reconnecting with old colleagues and studying Eliza in practice. There are many choices about the morality of the program and how it should be used in future. It's harrowing on one hand, but hopeful on the other. The story is enjoyable and well written, enhanced by its perfect voice acting. (And, whilst writing this blog post, Eliza has also been nominated for two IGF awards, including the grand prize!)
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(Spoilers ahead)

At the end of the game, you're given a bunch of final choices; meaning your choices until then didn't really matter that much. This kind of thing usually annoys me, but with Eliza, I felt the choices I'd made until then helped me gain enough information to make my final choice. It was well balanced and, because I was satisfied with my ending, I finished Eliza happy. As you know, I loved Life is Strange 2, though I felt every ending was cruel one way or another. Eliza wasn't like that (well, at least my ending wasn't) but it wasn't pandering to the audience either: There were a ton of choices, none of them a perfect solution, but it still felt like real life, albeit without hopelessness. Eliza reminded me of my favourite narrative games, where how you play reveals a little about your personality. I'd love to find out which endings other people chose!


​Laid Back Camp

PictureCup noodle stocks soar!
I'm not going to lie...I hated the look of Laid Back Camp at first. So much so that, despite being interested in the premise, I skipped it when it came out. I hate the moe art style (where every character looks 13 years old and has the same face)! However, I was just too interested in the concept, especially after I found out that Shiba-Inus make a regular appearance, so I gave it a watch.

I'm so glad I did! It's one of the best anime I've seen. It's quiet, peaceful and down-to-earth. Nothing much happens: There's no peril, enemies or anything like that – Just a group of girls who enjoy camping and learning together. It's so relaxing and atmosphetic that you feel like you're there with them. Now, I really want to go camping in Japan, where I can wake up and gaze upon Mt Fuji whilst eating cup noodles!

By the end of the series, the solitary protagonist, Rin, camps with the group and learns the joys of camping with others, BUT she doesn't quit camping on her own from time to time either. Her character wasn't compromised to push the trope "it's always better with friends!", which is kind of shitty when you're an introvert who needs to spend time on their own. Instead, it felt like Rin was accepted for who she is, but that she now has a friends to enjoy camping with sometimes as well. I loved the message and, as I've written this post, Room Camp (the anime short to Laid Back Camp) has just released! I look forward to seeing what it's all about.

A quick shout out to the music, which I adored so much I bought a ukulele! I can kind of play "Solo Camp", just about:


​booksmart

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Booksmart was a great film. It's one of those I wished had come out when I was younger and nearer to the protagonists' ages, but better late than never! Watching it in the cinema was a rare moment where I looked up and felt myself represented on the screen, which will always strike a cord since it happens infrequently.

Pitched as "Superbad but for teenage girls", I went in not expecting much, though I heard from others it was amazing so I was excited to find out for myself. I didn't enjoy Superbad, but perhaps that was because it was just another bunch of dudes? Who knew that swapping the geek boys for nerd girls would make such a better movie? I walked out of the cinema with a huge smile on my face. Who knew women could be funny? (Yes, that's sarcasm.) Booksmart was so much fun and no other movie came close to the joy I felt watching this.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

PictureI did a fan art of Claude!
Oof...I don't know where to start with Fire Emblem: Three Houses. It is a huge game and my favourite of last year! I'll try and keep this post short...

I guess I'll start with the house I chose first: Golden Deer. For some reason, during the weeks leading up to release, I was stressing out about who to pick! My fiancé picked my first choice (Blue Lions) but we wanted to see how the routes differed...So I considered GD but assumed that was the hardcore route. I wasn't as interested in Black Eagles, either, and...Edelgard... *stares daggers at her*

(Spoilers ahead)

Claude won me over with his speech at the beginning as he did for many. To me, GD was the overall story route: You find out the most about the world, Byleth, Sothis, Rhea and "those who sliver in the dark". That's not to say the other routes are pointless; rather they tend to focus on more human matters. My second playthrough was with the Blue Lions, and the story focussed on Dimitri's revenge wish and redemption. As much as I loved Claude, Dimitri was my favourite character...He was so interesting to follow and watch grow. However, both voice actors did a tremendous job. Chris Hackney (Dimitri) plays the wonderful, soft, princely Dimitri perfectly, and the crazed, bloodthirsty Dimitri, well, perfectly. Joe Zieja (Claude) does a brilliant job too, as both serious and jokey Claude – It's clear he absolutely loved his role.

Now then, I'm pretty biased, aren't I? I haven't played Black Eagles yet. However, since my BL playthrough, I'm intrigued to find out what Edelgard's deal is. I've already spent over 140 hours on Three Houses and I'm looking forward to getting back into it, but there are some parts of the game that drag for me...In particular, the monastery part.

The first time I played Three Houses, I love the monastery life sim/ social link aspects. It borrows from games like Persona and adds those elements to the Fire Emblem series, which works surprisingly well. However, when the first half of the game contains pretty much the exact same content no matter which route you're on, it gets pretty boring on a second playthrough. The same items are lost, fish still need to be caught, flowers grown etc. Of course, there is an option to skip this, and there's new game+, too (where you can use points to speed up the process), but still, your party will be weaker if you skip and don't spend any time here. (I wanna get all the characters and ship them, so...)

Three Houses doesn't have the same dating mechanic as Awakening or Fates, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. There are so many characters, I just enjoyed watching their support conversations, which I doubt I'll ever fully see as there are just too many options! For my first playthrough, I romanced Claude (as many did) and, on my second, I was gunning for Dimitri, but when I saw his and Marianne's support, I just had to ship them! I gave him up for her because Marianne is precious and they both seemed like they understood each other (Please, give me a medal for my sacrifice!). I recruited Ignatz and dated him instead, correcting my mistake from my first playthrough (damn you, flirty Claude!). However, Ignatz is so much like me, it was like dating myself which was weird.

Apart from Byleth (the silent protagonist), the characters in Three Houses were all really good. I feel like everyone is like someone in that game. I'm like a venn diagram of Ignatz, Bernadetta, Marianne and Ingrid. I loved Dorothea, Dedue, Ashe, Raphael, Hilda, Cyril, as well. I hated Lorenz and Sylvain for being such flirts, but they both made me laugh a lot, too. The support conversation between female Byleth and Lorenz is one of my favourites: "Yes, there have been very many real complaints made against you from the female students!" And she has to keep repeating this fact because Lorenz can't fathom why the girls wouldn't find him charming. Haha!

Fire Emblem: Three Houses wasn't just downright fun and I can't wait until the time is right to play the final Black Eagles house!


Better Call Saul

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Better Call Saul is incredible. I'm not the biggest Breaking Bad fan; though I respect the show, it's not particularly entertaining for me, but Better Call Saul mostly ditches the gritty drug story for a courtroom drama. Of course, it's an origin story for Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad, so crimes and naughtiness are afoot, but the focus is on Saul (known at this point as Jimmy) and his relationship with his older brother, Chuck, and friend/partner, Kim.

Since it's a spin-off, I put off watching Better Call Saul for years...but when I watched the first episode, I couldn't stop. I said Fleabag was my favourite show of the year, but I'm tempted to say this was, too – It's just so intense! For me, this is mainly down to the acting. Bob Odenkirk is amazing in this show and I was stunned watching him express so many emotions throughout. I empathised with him many times throughout and loved his character even more. Everyone's favourite, Mike (Jonathan Banks), also returns, and new characters (Kim especially) were really fleshed out and just as likeable as the established ones. I enjoyed Jimmy and Kim's relationship as it's not the stereotypical heterosexual relationship: They both put business first and maintain their own sense of independence, which I relate to.

Better Call Saul is full of exciting twists and turns and I can't wait until season 5 comes out later this year. Don't sleep on this show like I did!


​My Roommate is a Cat

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My Roommate is a Cat is an accurate depiction of my everyday working life with Goro. Simply replace the word cat with dog and author to indie dev and it's me.

The protagonist, Mikazuki Subaru, is socially anxious and lives alone. He struggles with any relationships and likes to close himself off from the outside world, but a little cat who was dumped by humans comes into his life. This cat is tough and learned to look after herself, so from both angles, there are characters trying to form a relationship with each other.

Caring for a pet, when you've only needed to think about yourself most of your life, comes as a shock. I had pets when I was younger, but I had a 15 year petless gap before I got Goro...Plus, I'd never ever had a dog before. I spent months trying to adjust, sometimes despairing thinking that I couldn't manage him, but with time I coped. I slowly learnt that there's joy in looking after something other than yourself. Feeling needed.

These feelings are difficult when you're not only used to being petless, but used to being alone and are bad at socialising. Like Subaru, I have social anxiety. Sometimes, it's just easier to not see anyone and recluse...I totally get where he's coming from. Plus, he wants/needs to work on his writing but keep getting distracted and stressed by the little cat that needs him. I totally relate! It takes time to adjust, but I'm so glad we both did.


Our Dreams at Dusk

Our Dreams at Dusk focuses around Tasuku Kaname, a gay teenager who has just been outed for having gay porn on his phone. He's about to commit suicide, when he sees a woman jump from a building on a cliff edge. When he discovers the building, the woman is there unharmed. It turns out the building is a drop-in center for LGBT people, who renovate houses in the town. Through them, he slowly learns to accept his sexuality.

Our Dreams at Dusk is beautifully drawn and serious in tone. Whilst there is value in light-hearted gay stories, like Yuri on Ice!! and Steven Universe, being LGBT comes with challenges which should be discussed as well. I imagine this manga will really help those who're struggling to feel accepted in the world.
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(Spoilers ahead)

Kaname's crush, Tachibana, also seems to be struggling with accepting LGBT people in the world. He's almost the antagonist of the series, presenting as straight at the beginning, but warming to Kaname over the chapters. You see that the negativity comes from his father, who is homophobic and sees LGBT people as "them". I haven't read the last book, but I'm concerned for Kaname as Tachibana is holding in some serious anger about Kaname being gay, and perhaps even himself.

What I love most about ODaD, is the supporting characters back-stories. Each volume tends to focus on one particular character, my favourite being Utsumi, who is later revealed to be a trans man. It came as a surprise, as Utsumi has been so cool and masculine up until this point, no-one would think otherwise. It was a real eye-opener for me because the reader already accepts Utsumi for who he is by the time they learn this. Looking back at his past felt somewhat irrelevant, but well-wishers brought it back up, pitying him for having an "illness". One well-wisher, in particular, forces the gender binary on her daughter who isn't interested in painting flowers and looks pained every time something like this happens. In a brief encounter, the group show her she can express herself how she wants and that it's okay. It's not much, but she leaves with a small understand that everything mummy says isn't true.

ODaD shows us the difficulties that LGBT people face. Because of that, some people aren't going to like it, but I loved it's harsh realism. There are so many stories out there, it's about time we heard from people who've had to give up everything just to be themselves.


​KUUKIYOMI: Consider it!

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​KUUKIYOMI is a relatively short ​game, with options to play co-op. You play quick scenes (WarioWare style) where you have to consider the right thing to do. There are over 100 scenarios: Some are everyday things, like moving aside to let people sit down, whilst others are hilarious or downright cruel! I don't want to spoil them, but I was speechless for a few of them...How could the developers even go there?

For the short time I spent with KUUKIYOMI, I left feeling inspired. It makes a game out of social cues in such a simple, smart way. I'd love to make a game like it one day!

KUUKIYOMI is short and cheap, so you should pick it up yourself and give it a go!


​How not to be a boy

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How not to be a Boy is a funny autobiography by Robert Webb, yet it also questions the harmful sides of masculinity; how rules such as "drink beer", "don't cry" and "love sport" don't bring anything positive to society. He takes us through his own childhood and adolescence, describing the pressures he felt to not be who he really was (Hmm, I'm being to see a theme with my list this year...). It's something I relate to a lot, being a woman interested in "typically male" fields such as video games, programming, having my own business etc. I have struggled and continue to struggle with pressures to conform to the gender binary and become what is expected of a typical woman. Well, Webb and I say screw that!
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I enjoyed reading every page of How not to be a Boy. It's hilarious but also heartbreaking. Truth be told, I'm not much of a Peep Show fan, but now I really like Webb; He's brutally honest and open but, above all, a brilliant story-teller. I wish I had the memory and skill to recount my past the way he did. Reading through, I could see the flip-side of the struggles I faced whilst growing up and, really, what is it for?


O Maidens of Your savage Season

PictureUm...What did I walk in on?
I literally saw one tweet with screenshots from this show and was sold. O Maidens of Your Savage Season is an anime series based on its manga. The show is about a group of school girls in the literature club, and I know what you're thinking: "Yawn. School anime". The thing is, O Maidens is actually the most realistic school anime I've seen. We follow the girls and their different grips on puberty and sexuality. First, there's Kazusa (the protagonist): A romantic but somewhat shy or unsure about sex, maybe even on the asexual spectrum. Then there's Niina, who was harassed as a child (groomed, even) and isn't particularly interested in boys, until she falls for Izumi. Izumi is Kazusa's childhood friend (and crush) and they both start noticing the differences between their bodies as they grow up. Momoko is another girl in the club who feels confused as she has a crush on Niina and wonders if she is lesbian. Hitoha writes erotic novels but is told by her publisher that her stories sound like they're written by a 40 year old male virgin, so she desires life experience, meeting up with a guy from an online chatroom. Rika is the club president and very uptight about sex because of her upbringing, but cannot deny how she feels about boys.

As a woman, I feel as though each of these stories has something to offer a female audience. Like Booksmart, I felt represented. Whenever a shoujo high school anime attempts to discuss sex, it's always too innocent and romantic, where sex is barely even mentioned, or, if it's shonen, it's more sexual and almost pornographic. This is worrying as, if parents and friends aren't talking to teenagers about sex, then they are clueless when it happens to them. It's part of the reason I made One Night Stand: We're in dire need of more realistic stories about sex.

Whilst sometimes handled problematically, O Maidens is still valuable. I wish it had come out when I was the age of the protagonists. Puberty is such a confusing time and it's, like, the biggest thing in your life that no-one's talking about! If you're female and lucky, you get taught sex-education (periods, how pregnancy happens etc) but you probably won't get taught anything about sexuality. This show went there, plus the animation was beautiful. It's a shame I've not seen anyone else talk about O Maidens.


​Shibuya Scramble

PictureAnother fan art! I loved Achi and Hitomi!
I nearly forget Shibuya Scramble, which was actually one of my most enjoyable gaming experiences of the year! It's because I played it earlier in the year and it was released on Steam and PS4 in 2018. Plus, it's initial, Japanese release was in 2008, too, but enough with my excuses...Let me tell you why I loved it so much!

SS is a visual novel with a few FMV scenes, but mainly static photographs. I don't think I've played a visual novel quite like it. It's like a series of 24 but with Japanese humour to soften the content. At first, SS feels weird and the game design is janky: You get multiple bad endings, and initially these make you want to give up, thinking you've done something wrong but once you realise this is just how the game works, you get into the swing of it and want to discover all the endings. There're 87 different endings, I believe, but the game's designed so you try again to get the true one. You can easily jump to the choices you made and alter them, too.

The music was superb. The acting, even though the game is mainly photographs, was great. The narration was hilariously Japanese, but so engaging I couldn't stop reading it. SS had it all: crime, war, romance, mascot suits, cleaning a toilet, you name it! You play an array of characters who start off not knowing each other. Achi Endo's story was exciting and romantic (hence my favourite), whilst Kenji Osawa's was dark, complex and sci-fi. Everyone is intertwined and it's hard to put the game down once you unlock the barriers.

After the main story is "finished", there are a bunch of extras, and I mean a bunch! I still haven't got them all, which I should rectify because I think I'm still missing out on the true, true ending...But there are loads of additional episodes for the side characters. Canaan's ending is anime styled, whilst Suzune's made me bawl my eyes out: It was an hour or so of visual novel's at their very best.

Shibuya Scramble requires a lot of reading. It's Japanese in tone and humour, but I still recommend it to everyone. Get into the swing of the game after 1-2 hours and I'm sure you'll have as much fun as I did!


I'm very grateful to all the creators who helped work on my favourites from last year! There were a ton more shows, books and games I enjoyed, but I had to draw the line somewhere! (Maybe I should do these lists a little more frequently? Hmm.) A quick shout out to Dreamwork's She-Ra, Tuca & Bertie, Sarazanmai, Shenmue 3, Carole & Tuesday, Hynospace Outlaw, Classmates (the manga) and Death Stranding. However, I'd also like to express my sympathies to Kyoto Animation, who tragically lost so many talented creators. Last year, I watched their film, Liz and the Blue Bird, at Nippon Connection and loved it. Before that, I was wowed by Violet Evergarden's stunning animation, and years prior, I particularly enjoyed Free! and Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid. Their attention to detail was second to none and I just cannot fathom why this tragedy happened.

Please look after and celebrate the creators you love! With that, let's move forward into 2020 with hope for the future.

Take care and I'll be back soon!
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